the above quote, one that has been attributed to both george bernard shaw and h.l. mencken, is one of my least favorite sayings in the world…and, not just because i am a teacher, but because i have benefitted from the lessons i’ve learned from the teachers in my life…so, this post goes out to all the critics…
those who can’t do…
get up at the ‘crack of dawn’ every day for 9 months to get ready for each new day
those who can’t do…
go to bed by 9pm (if not earlier) every night for 9 months because they get up at the ‘crack of dawn’ to get ready for each new day
those who can’t do…
work more than a monday through friday, 9-5 work week
those who can’t do…
teach your kids math, science, history, reading, writing, and scores of other subjects each day
those who can’t do…
coach, engage, motivate, push/pull, redirect, entertain, lead, counsel, discipline, praise, encourage and love your kids…while they teach them math, science, reading, writing, and scores of other subjects each day
those who can’t do…
bring their work home with them (at night and on weekends)–grading, planning, and creating lessons; sending emails and making phone calls to interested or concerned parents, administrators, colleagues and other involved adults
those who can’t do…
bring their ‘mental work’ home with them every night…the successes and (most often) the failures of their days efforts–the kind of things that take up a lot of head space–like…how come i can’t get through to alexis? i wish bobby would listen when i talk to him.?! how come john never shows up to class? i hope jen makes it through life! how can i reach them?!
those who can’t do…
teach all other ‘doers’…’how to do things’…
pediatricians, auto mechanics, lawyers, cosmetologists, pilots, nurses, carpenters, bar tenders, police officers, computer programmers, graphic artists, corporate executives, sportscasters, architects, secretaries, crime scene investigators, activists, dentists, musicians, cooks, janitors, counselors, photographers, plumbers, surgeons, journalists, day care providers, truck drivers, artists, senators, bus drivers, firefighters, religious leaders, waiters, soldiers, accountants, filmmakers, mail men/women, engineers, social workers, athletes, teachers and more
“when you can take the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to leave” – master kan, kung fu
one of the worst things for a new teacher to do is to surround themselves with onlyother new teachers…and in doing so, thinking that it’s gonna make them the best teacher in the world…it’s kind of like teenagers who expect to become mature, amazing grown-up people by surrounding themselves with only other teenagers…
the last time i checked, it takes about 3-6 years to go from an apprentice to a journeyman in the trades…
teaching is a trade, people…one of the toughest trades in the world…so, it’s gonna take some time to get it down, it’s gonna take some time to become skilled at it…
sure, there are old-timers who are “phoning it in” until retirement…to those types, to those guys and gals…i’ll say, time to clock out, buddy–get to steppin’, chica! but, what job doesn’t have people like that?! all in all, those ‘hanger-on’s’ make up a small percentage of the larger teacher blob…
anyways, what new teachers need to do is to…spend time–lots of time–around seasoned instructors…ones who are tried and true...ones who are still creating, dreaming, and working hard…ones who are still committed and passionate about what they’re doing…
the last time i checked, it takes about 10 years to go from a padowan to a jedi knight…
i mean, any rookie can be fired up about this kind of work–for a minute…yeah, they’re good out of the gate…but, the best of the best do it year in and year out…so, my advice would be to…get next to those people, ask a lot of questions, learn from them–soak up as much as you can–be the sponge…embrace the teacher blob, for you and for your students!!! 🙂
[one of the current issues and challenges in teaching in america today is that…the average time that a new teacher spends in the profession of teaching, before leaving, is five years (walsh, 2014)…in my opinion, it takes about just that long, 4-5 years, to figure how to do the job well and get to a place where you’re on top of your work as an educator…so, if people are leaving at that moment in time…they are leaving just when some of the rewards can be reaped (i.e. when the hard work starts to pay off)–for them and for their students–and they are leaving just when they’ve become a skilled and valued member of the trade…if this trend continues, it does not bode well for the future of education in the u.s.]
“experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it” – steven wright
i love the movie freedom writers…it is one of the most inspiring movies about teaching that i’ve ever seen…
there’s one part (see below) that gets me every single time–can’t help it…
at the same time, one of the things that “smells funny” about the story freedom writers is that…
you get the idea that there’s no student erin gruwell can’t connect to, can’t reach, or can’t teach…
maybe that was true–in her case (if so, it makes the whole thing all the more remarkable)…but, in my experience…working with kids for 16+ years…i’ve never known it to be so–for myself…or for any other teacher/youth worker i’ve had the privilege to know and work with…
[importantly, this isn’t me taking shots at that movie, that story, erin gruwell or anyone connected to that amazing tale…their story is one that we should celebrate after all]
but, what has been true for me and others is…the reality that no one can make it on their own–in this line of work–no one can do it all for all kids…that’s the plain truth…
simply put–and as much as i hate to admit it–i cannot reach all kids, though i try…i cannot teach all kids, though i try…i cannot impact all kids, though i try…
[day in and day out]…
but, there’s a good chance one of my colleagues can…
and that’s good news…
we’re not alone, we’re not on our own…
there have always been (and always will be) students that my colleagues relate to and teach better than i do…and, i’m glad that they can do that…i’m glad that they’re there…for many reasons…but, especially for the fact that they can reach those kids…
truth be told, i didn’t always feel that way…in my early days, i thought i should be able to reach all kids, no matter what…i was overly optimistic to say the least…but then, i was young and naive, too…now, i’m older (much older) and wiser…and i know what lies at the heart of the matter…
ultimately, i know now that…despite the fact that i can’t reach all students…the story doesn’t end there…some things are yet to be written…on their hearts and minds…and those students (most of ’em)–can run, but they can’t hide (heh, heh)…
from the great, unstoppable, inescapable…
teacher blob…
somehow, somewhere, sometime…
we’ll get you 🙂
note: the term “teacher blob” was coined by my wife, who also happens to be a teacher
fun with boundaries (in structured settings) exhibit A
o.k., so we’ve covered a lot of ground…and more recently, we’ve covered a lot of the serious stuff surrounding boundaries (in structured settings)–but at the end of the day, one of the best things you can do is give yourself some grace with this kind of thing…holding kids accountable; setting and enforcing boundaries is not easy…but, you can get better at it–with time and practice (lots and lots of practice)…
while you know how important boundaries can be for an individual, group and/or community…it’s also really important to note that boundaries and boundary setting can be a lot of fun, too!!!
to illustrate that point, here’s a story from my classroom case files:
one day i was giving a presentation to my class (fyi-it was the last hour of the day, with two weeks left before summer vacation) when another group of students from our school (cosmetology class) came out into the courtyard near my room (my classroom has a row of windows that runs down one wall…it’s the wall that faces the courtyard)…
things were going along fine, when suddenly, a student started ‘making a racket’ right outside one of my windows (we, of course, had the classroom windows open–it was almost summer-time, after all!)…the student got ‘loud and obnoxious’…
so, i glanced outside (and so did my students)…to see what all the fuss was about…i stood there for a minute, watching and listening, as this one girl carried on about some boy…i had seen this kind of frenetic behavior before, it’s what i call: thetypical cosmetology drama…think: 90210onspeed…
i watched, thinking–God bless the teachers in that program…mercy!
anyways…i looked around the courtyard and didn’t see her teachers anywhere…must be on the way….but, she was still carrying on…she continued to distract and disrupt my students…so, i went over to an open window (near the front of the class) and called her over…as she walked to the window, i glanced back at my students…and at that moment, i saw them… simultaneously and as a whole…lean forward in their chairs…like they had practiced that synchronized move all year-long…
so, i turned back to the window and talked to the girl (library-quiet style) who was making mischief…she on one side of the open window (screen-less), me on the other…
me: hey, nice day, isn’t it?! hey, i can understand why you’d be so pumped up to be outside, but would you mind toning it down a little…we’ve got class going on in here?
student: sure, no problem
me: thanks
after our exchange, i turned away from the window and faced my class…and immediately, my students made their next collective move…
in unison, they were up and out of their chairs, pointing and shouting:
mr. d!!!, mr. d!!! she just gave you ‘the finger’!!!
i looked at my class as if to say, “really?!”…they continued shouting and pointing towards the windows…
so, i glanced outside and saw the girl i had just visited with…she was talking and laughing with her friend on the other side of the courtyard (the other 20 girls in the group continued working on their assignments–they seemed to be unaware of what was going on)…
i still didn’t see the cosmetology instructors…
i turned back to my students…and calmed them all down…then, i zeroed in on one particular student (the most honest one in the class) and asked her quietly:
did she really do that?! (just to confirm what had ‘gone down’)
she nodded back to me and said:
yes
momentarily, i drifted off to dreamland and imagined myself running back and forth along the bank of windows with my arms outstretched, my fists clenched–save for mymiddle fingers (which i’d locked in the upright position)–pumping my hands up and down like pistols…all the while, shouting p-pow, pow–p-pow, pow–p-pow, pow…what’s up now?! (press play on bon jovi’s, ‘blaze of glory’)…
but, eventually, i “came to”, snapped out of it, and shook off the daydream…
now, normally…99.9% of the time, i would’ve just talked about the behavior with one of her instructors (after school) and left it to them to ‘consequence her’…and they would’ve (most certainly) clamped down on her the next day (we’ve ‘got each other’s backs’ when it comes to student discipline, no doubt–which is awesome!)…and i would’ve been done with it…
but, this time, i decided to handle it myself (for the fun of it)…
so, i went over to my desk and spent a little time at work…my class was stone silent, of course…waiting, wondering…what’s going to happen next?!
after a moment, i got up, walked to the window, and called the girl over (once again)…behind me, i heard movement…and i knew my class was, once again, ‘leaning in’…
she came over and we started talking…
me (library-quiet once more): so, you know…you owe me something
student: what do you mean?!
me: you know, for your hand gesture…for the ‘disrespect’
student: really, ‘the finger’?! that was nothing! (admission)
me: hmmmm…
[i handed her a sheet of paper…at the top, it read: 20 things you could’ve done–instead of flippin’ a teacher off*…]
[she looked at it, was quiet for a beat, then looked up at me…and stared me down]
student: no way, not doing it
me: ok, you can do “20” for me today, or “40” for your teachers tomorrow
[she thought about it for a moment, frowned, and slowly walked toward the other side of the courtyard…then, she sat down at a bench, took out a pen, and started writing…i smiled to myself 🙂 ]
at this point, trying to teach anything was completely futile…so, i told my class about the consequence i gave her…and waited…perched on the edge of my desk…
after a little while, i saw one of her teachers come out to the courtyard and talk to some of the students about an assignment…then quickly, she headed back into the school (before i got a chance to ‘wave her over’)…
anyways, not long after that, the girl got up and came toward the window again…
at the window, she handed me her list of “20 things”…
it read:
smiled
waved
walk away
thumbs up
yelled
talked about it
stayed calm
wait until you weren’t there
laughed
ignore it
screamed
gone back inside
listened
been upset to myself
wrote a note
flicked off someone else say hi
punched my hand
not gone outside
stayed at home
ran away
as i read it over, i thought it was spectacular (and funny, too)…and in our exchange, i had her change #16 (for obvious reasons)…when she did, i thanked her politely and we went our separate ways…
at that point, i turned back to the class, held up the list, and said (with a smile):
“20 things”–no one messes with criminal justice, peeps!
[they clapped and cheered as i pinned it to my bulletin board…then, we moved on with what was left of the day]
later, i talked to my friends (the cosmetology teachers) about what ‘had gone down’ in the courtyard…they were ‘cool with my response’ for their student and appreciated me holding her accountable…
proposition: boundary setting is no ‘piece of cake’…but, sometimes, it sure can be fun! cheers!
*the “20 things” is something i got from my wife, who happens to be a stellar middle-school teacher!!!
note: the consequence(s) imposed should be reasonable-meaning, it should fit the offense…getting ‘the finger’ is a really minor offense in my world (then again, i’ve been punched, kicked, spit at, grabbed, pushed, slapped, poked, (vehemently) ‘swore at’ and had objects thrown at me over the course of my career…so, my perspective is skewed off of that…heh, heh)…so, giving/recommending the ‘clas program’ or an ‘in-school suspension (ISS)’ for this particular offense would’ve been over-the-top, in my opinion…but, again, my response was based on my specific work situation/experience/prior history with the ‘youth in question’–and ultimately, my discretion…your situation/setting and (to some degree) your perspective will dictate your boundaries and how you respond to certain behaviors…
boundaries in structured settings — an example (for professional youth workers):
in settings like schools, juvenile rehabilitation centers, faith-based organizations, summer camps, etc…professionals have the luxury of being guided by state laws and organizational policies in boundary setting…at the same time, depending on the individual group plan within a structured system, the boundaries may look very different:
different programs = different expectations & consequences
student/teacher classroom scenario:
expectation: no talking in class (when the instructor is presenting–unless we’re in a discussion, of course)
consequence: if you disrupt the class by constant talking you can a) be moved to another seat; b) be moved to the clas program; c) be given ISS
note: the clas program is an option at our school; it is a ‘intermediate removal action’ — where the student is removed from the classroom and sent to the clas program room (near the front office)…typically, for only an hour or two – it’s the step we use before ISS (ISS stands for ‘in-school suspension’ which is an entire day stay) –“b” and “c” can be implemented if “consequence a” doesn’t make a dent in the behavior…and the student continues to exhibit disruptive behavior that interferes with the learning process…
here’s a pattern/pathway i’ve followed before…
john commits a boundary violation: john talks loudly about the great time he had at a party over the weekend and disrupts a lesson; his talking distracts other students and pulls them into his story…
me (response = a choice is offered): john, would you rather stop talking and continue to sit by your friends or continue talking and move to this seat (near the front of the class)???*
john: stop talking, i guess…
me: ok, let’s move on then…
[a few minutes later…]
john repeats the same boundary violation: talks in class and disrupts a lesson
me (response/action = consequence): i say, “john, your talking is interrupting my teaching–please move to this seat”**
note: i didn’t say, “who do you think you are? you never learn, do you, john?! i can’t stand you–move over here”
*importantly…offering choices can be an extremely valuable thing to do within the “expectation-consequence” scheme…doing so, puts the ball back in their court, where they have some power over ‘the outcome’ & can decide on a course of action–though, all choices/options are ones that you are alright with (as the authority figure) — in other words, the only options on the table are the ones that can get what you want, what you expect…as far as boundaries go…offering choices also keeps things from “getting heated” or “escalating” — nobody likes a tyrant 🙂
**the response that i gave here was the right one…because it focuses on the behavior–what the student did, not who the student is …the response that “i didn’t say”, on the other hand, would’ve been wrong…because it makes the issue personal, confrontational, and (often) an “instant battle”…in fact, taking that tact may very well escalate the situation…by making it about who john is as a person and not about john’s behavior-his talking in class…not what we want to be doing as professionals…
anyways, let’s say that…john ‘behaves’ for the rest of the class period…
the next day i might allow him to go back to his original seat (i might even give him “a carrot” in the middle of a consequence …or thereafter…and let him know that he may be able to return to his original seat tomorrow if he can handle his new location for the rest of the day)~
note: in this scenario, i didn’t keep giving the student choices and choices and choices and choices and choices or keep doing the ask, ask, ask, ask, ask thing–which, honestly–doesn’t do a damn bit of good–but, some people go that route in these situations…usually, they are new and inexperienced…and often…they are unsure, afraid or lacking confidence in their authority (or, they want to be seen as ‘cool’ or they want to be ‘friends’ with the kids–one of my least favorite incarnations of a ‘professional youth worker’)…so, if you give an expectation for behavior…it’s really important to follow through (consistently) with the known/stated consequence–pull the trigger, people!–in doing so, you will gain the respect of the kids in your charge and there will be no limits on what you can accomplish together; if you, on the other hand, give an expectation for behavior and don’t follow through with a known/stated consequence–then, not only will you lose the respect of the kids…but, it will become increasingly difficult to manage their behaviors…therefore, making anything you try to accomplish with them much more difficult, if not impossible–
consistent follow through is key in ‘boundaries work’ in structured settings–it shows them (the kid who is ‘acting out’ and the rest of the group) that you’re “not playin'” and “mean business”…
one of the best things that an adult…who is working with kids (and especially, an adult who is raising kids)…can do–to bring up responsible young people–is to give their toddlers, children, and teens boundaries…even their ‘tweens’ in a lot cases–especially, when you consider that the pre-frontal cortex isn’t fully developed until people are on their way past ‘legal adulthood’ as defined by state laws…you know the part of the brain i’m talking about…the part that controls impulsive behavior and the ability to make good decisions 🙂
in my opinon, all kids need boundaries…expecting a kid to function positively and responsibly in the world without good boundaries is like expecting a house to stand without a solid foundation…it’s just not gonna happen, folks…
one of my favorite gems on this topic comes from child and family expert, dr. david walsh:
“it’s a kid’s job to test limits, it’s our job (responsible parents and other adults) to set limits–in saying ‘no’ to our kids…we are (hopefully) teaching them to say ‘no’ to themselves (some day)” (walsh, 2014)…
importantly, one of the single most important ‘trade skills’ in working effectively with young people is establishing good and reasonable boundaries for kids to know and follow…i mean, how can any teacher, counselor, para, social worker, coach, youth leader, juvenile justice worker, or parent instruct a young person if that young person is doing what they want to do when they want to do it…with no regard for anyone else around them?!
this is a part of instructing our youth that we need to return to wholeheartedly and fearlessly in our society, in america…i would argue that there’s never been a more important time for us to get back to the ‘world of boundaries’ than right now…because it’s something we’ve strayed away from…and we can see the results reflected in how young people see themselves and act in the world today…it’s not a pretty sight…
so, with that…we begin a new series on boundaries…
stay tuned…
[i would like give a special ‘shout out’ to family friend and proud parent of two, rachel s.–who called for some special attention to this subject back when i wrote the post titled, ‘know your role’–so, while it’s a bit late in coming…this series is for you, sister! cheers!]
there are traits that make a 16, 17, or 18 year-old male student truly amazing; like fearlessness, youthful optimism and a sense of adventure about the world around him — however, there are two significant adolescent male traits that can be a challenge in the classroom, home and community: 1) the edgy and ‘confident’ attitude that reveals itself as — i know it all and 2) the attitude/posture that says–i don’t care…about anything…
because boys don’t know it all ANDshould care (about something) …teaching boys is a really important thing for us to do well…in fact, we are at a critical time for ‘bringing up boys’ in u.s. history…a time when we need a few good men–to teach our boys…and i’m not talking about teaching specific subjects or curriculum components…i’m talking about teaching them what it means to be a man…we need male teachers who will stand “toe-to-toe” with boys and shepherd them into adulthood — truly!
don’t think this is teacher’s job? think again…it’s one of the most important things we can do in schools today…and, believe me, there are countless opportunities each day to help ‘grow boys into men’…in fact, there’s probably a teachable moment every time a boy opens his mouth to say something in class, guaranteed–in addition to a responsible male parent and/or family member (if available), most boys need a responsible male teacher in their lives–one who will smack ’em upside the head–figuratively, of course, in the school setting (heh, heh)–in the way that only a grown man can do…
don’t get me wrong, i’ve had amazing women teachers throughout my life; my wife and my sister are two of the best educators i’ve ever seen–they can rock the classroom…and there are thousands of great women teachers out there…and women can teach boys any subject in the book, no doubt…but, we’re not talking about teaching boys subject matter here…
we’re talking about teaching boys man matters…
and when it comes to teaching man matters…no one is better equipped for this task than a man…as evident in this quote from dr. leonard sax:
“…when it comes to showing boys how a gentleman behaves–how a gentleman interacts with women, how he responds to adversity, how he serves his community–then there is no substitute for having a male role model…that’s where boys can benefit most, in my judgement, from seeing a man, perhaps a teacher or a coach, who loves to read in his spare time, who participates in projects for habitat for humanity or in community service with his local synagogue or church, who’s a regular guy–not a saint, not rambo, not john wayne…just somebody real”(sax, 2007).
let me give you two, real-life examples about teaching boys man matters from my classroom…times when i needed to go ‘toe-to-toe’ with the boys in my class…
classroom case files (fall, 2007):
male student: men are smarter than women, that’s a fact (other men in class are nodding in agreement)
female student: i agree with them
(i am shocked at this!)
(other male students clap and laugh)
other male students: see, mr. d.!
mr. d.: let me ask you something young men, and the woman over here — where in the world did you get this idea? (we engage in debate and discussion — where i include facts/research that debunks and challenges what the boys put forth)…
it’s important to not let some comments slide; to openly challenge what has been stated with strong counter-arguments that are based in fact–and this was one of those times… and in the back of my mind, i was thinking…come on, do you really believe this? do you really believe this in the year 2007? come on, this is mad men shtuff…
let’s move on to the next example…
classroom case files (spring, 2014):
this next story takes place during a week when were discussing risk factors (for juveniles that may need social services and/or become delinquent)…on one particular day, i had them write down all the things that they do that drives their parents nuts…things that their parents wouldn’t want them doing …and they came up with some good ones: staying out past curfew, lying, using alcohol or drugs, ‘back talking’, not answering their phones, not cleaning their rooms, skipping school, etc…then, i had them flip it and write down all the things that would drive them nuts if they were a parent–things they wouldn’t want their kids doing…
[a few of my students are actually parents (teenage moms), so that always makes these exercises a bit more interesting; fyi-the teen parents i have in class this semester are not in this particular block of students, though i wish they were]
“things they wouldn’t want their kids to do” items: use/become addicted to drugs, drop out of school, bully another student, get arrested, get thrown in jail, etc…then came one that was gender specific(daughter specific)…
get pregnant…
while most parents (regardless of gender) would agree that they wouldn’t want their daughters to get pregnant in high school…this item was voiced by a boy in class and then, immediately, a bunch of other guys chimed in to agree with him and comment on that item…some of the girls agreed, some stayed silent…but, the boys got louder and made “the getting pregnant thing” a one-sided deal, they talked about it like it was “her problem”…this is when i stepped in…
mr. d.: say that again?
male student: you know, i would definitely be upset if my daughter got pregnant, i wouldn’t tolerate that…but, i would’ve kept her under lock and key beforehand…
mr. d.: what about your son? i take it that you put this item into a different category, according to gender…because you think it’s different for your son?
male student: of course, he’s got more freedom to date and see girls…it would be different with my daughter…you know…it’s what guys do…
mr. d.: what if your son was involved with a girl…and got a girl pregnant? then what? i mean, it takes ‘two to tango’, you know…are you gonna give him a free pass?
the male student started to lose steam…it was at this time that his friends tried to save him, to take his side and come to his rescue…so, they came at me and tried to back me down…
but, i didn’t back down…i continued to push back, hard–against this group of boys…i was forceful and there was iron in my words…
mr. d.: you know, we teach teen moms over here…i’ve had quite a few of them in my classes…and these girls have to take responsibility for their actions–the part they played in the pregnancy, no doubt…but, so should the boys, the teen dads…the boys who chalk this up as a ‘notch on their belts’…a ‘conquest’…like it makes them a man…but, let me tell you something…these guys…most of ’em…they don’t ‘show up’, they disappear–after the fact…you think that’s what it means to be a man?! you think that’s what it means to be a father?!
it got real quiet after that…
importantly, i didn’t shame, belittle, or ‘name-call’ any of the guys in my classroom…but i didn’t sit there quietly either, i didn’t let their comments slide, like it was nothing [importantly, a lot of where they get this mindset from is…the media, their male peers, and some older males (who get it wrong)…the double standard for men and women on this issue is pervasive throughout our society (i’ve got to guard against it myself)…but, it’s no excuse]…it was something they needed to be challenged on, it was something they needed to be called out on…because it’s part of the greater negative worldview regarding women…a negative worldview that some men hold and pass onto the younger generations–that women are objects…for the amusement and pleasure of men–and that kind of thinking affects how men treat women…thinking, after all, affects action (i am one to know, i’ve been there–intentionally and unintentionaly)…so, if you can influence the way a boy thinks, positively, he’ll be a better man for it, he’ll treat the women in his life with love and respect…
there are countless other issues that come up at school that need to be addressed with boys…bullying and harassment, work ethic, motivation, problem-solving, perseverance, responsibility, adversity and how to respond to it, ‘admitting when you’re wrong’, etc…i chose these two examples (that focus on gender bias) because it is an issue that comes up a lot at school (out of the mouths of boys) and in our society, in general …where it is common to equate masculinity with the ‘degradation of women’...male teachers can change that…
when a male teacher confronts a boy in class, it lands differently than if the same conversation had taken place in the presence of a female teacher (just as it would be different if a female teacher confronted a girl in class about the domain ofwomen)–it carries a lot weight…or, in biblical terms (proverbs 27:17):
iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another…
in these moments, it becomes immediately clear that when boys are up against a male teacher who won’t back down (yet talk to them with respect and reason)…a male who possesses real swagger, who really knows something about the world, who really cares about the world–that their ‘(over) confidence’ and i know it all attitude is most often revealed as afront…and that, most of all, they’ve got a lot to learn…
who better to challenge a male than a male teacher? who better to counter a negative behavior in a male, than a male? who better to call out a male on ‘what he thinks is cool’ — but is, in fact, a harmful approach to life, than another male? who better to encourage and support a male, than another male? especially, at this time in their lives, when they really need it — when they are pushing up against every parent and every other authority figure around them…when they are looking for an opponent, a fight — intentionally and deliberately — who better to push back with bravery, wisdom, and love…than another male?
the following observation from poet robert bly soundly sums up such things:
“during the sixties, some young men drew strength from women who in turn had received some of their strength from the women’s movement…one could say that many young men in the sixties tried to accept initiation from women…but only men can initiate men, as only women can initiate women…women can change the embryo to a boy, but only men can change the boy to a man” (bly, 1990).
we don’t need perfection, but we do need a few good men…
a male who is brave is best, a male who is tough is best, a male who is stubborn is best, a male who hasbeen through some shit is best, a male who has moral fiber is best…and above all, a male who cares is best…*
in 2011,84% of public school (k-12) teachers were female (Feistritzer, 2011)…and, given the impact that a male role-model can have–it is clear that we need more men in this field…men who will match, step for step, the young boys they will go up against every day…and given the class-sizes of schools across the nation, i think we can add men and balance the ‘teacher-profile ledger’ without threatening the jobs of women teachers…
so, men, sign up today!
*nowhere in this section do i mention that the male has to be straight…that’s not a prerequisite for this kind of work…for teaching man matters…one of my former colleagues–that i still hold in the highest regard–was/is anopenly gay choir director at a church i worked at in omaha, nebraska…talk about stones…try doing that in nebraska, people…anyways, this guy had the respect and admiration of the staff, the families and the kids in the church community…and was an outstanding leader and role model for the boys in our youth programs…
recommended reading: boys adrift: the five factors driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men–video games, teaching methods, prescription drugs, environmental toxins, and the devaluation of masculinity, dr. leonard sax, 2007; (one of the best books i’ve ever read about teaching and parenting boys in america); profile of teachers in the u.s.2011, c. emily feistritzer, 2011: http://www.ncei.com/Profile_Teachers_US_2011.pdf; iron john-a book about men, robert bly, 1990.
whether a teacher, youth director, juvenile justice worker–or, a parent…it is important to reflect and think about how you are interacting with the children you work with or the children you have…
and to know your role…
one day in class a student asked me:
hey, mr. d., you’re my friend, right?!
i replied:
no, i’m not…i’m your teacher
on a different day, another student from another class ‘doubled down’ on that comment and asked:
hey, mr. d., do you want to come a house party i’m throwin’ this saturday?
while images of me pulling a high-school version of ‘frank the tank’ filled my head…i replied:
no, i’m good
for the past decade, one of my biggest pet peeves with parents (and occasionally with certain youth leaders) is their wanting their kids to like them and/or being ‘friends’ with their kids (this wasn’t something i saw a lot of in my work with kids in the ’90s)
let’s pause and think about this for a minute–parents have to realize what they are giving kids when they do things in this way…they are giving them the parental power and authority…and, this kind of power is, quite honestly, too big for young people–remember, we’re talking about kids–children and teenagers, people whose brains are not fully developed…people who, have brain damage 🙂
and to give them…the keys to the kingdom…unbelievable?!
i recently heard a phenomenal lecture by dr. leonard sax (as recommended to me by my friend, katie sanders), where he addressed this very issue…it is a lecture that should be “required listening” for all parents and youth leaders–in his presentation there are two brilliant insights that rise above a lot of good material–they are:
the first prerequisite of being a good parent is that you cannot be concerned with whether your child likes you or not…
&
parents need to be confident of their authority…parents have stepped away from their authority in this country…
the unwillingness to be the authority, to be the parent…leads to kids who think they can do whatever they want whenever they want to…they believe they are entitled to it..they believe they should be calling the shots…disrespecting every other adult they encounter along the way (including their parents)…
ultimately, it provides kids with a false sense of how the real world works…how will they handle rejection, suffering, and struggle? what are we preparing them for? what are we setting them up for?
unfortunately, i see this kind of thing play out in my classroom every single day…
luckily, there is a remedy, a fix–though far from easy–we can change how we do things…we can actually herd dem cats, instead of letting ’em run wild…
(it's like) herding cats... 