the flyin’ f**kin’ magic elves

every once in a while you need to challenge your children — in this case, i mean — challenge their understanding of how the world really works (at the core) and keep it real.

this was one of those times…

a few weeks ago, there was a storm brewing inside our house…and it had the normal warning signs…the rumbling, the growling, the flashes of lightning on the horizon, and the general feeling that something big was going to erupt — and erupt soon.

the reason for the ominous weather was pretty simple — it was because my wife was upset. note: she’s not prone to this, takes a while to get her there, but it was too much. *thinking back on this event, i’m literally surprised that she didn’t throw down some serious lightning bolts right then and there [i could swear her eyes glossed over with that milky-white haze you see happen when storm (from the x-men) lights up the sky — boom!]

regardless, she was upset because our kids were disgruntled and complaining about everything (it was non-stop) — and so then, as you would expect, it happened — my wife burst😊and shared with me, in an edgy-hushed voice (upstairs while the kids were downstairs), why she was so frustrated…she told me that she couldn’t believe that the kids were so unaware and most importantly — so unappreciative of all that we (but particularly she was doing for them) — this list is not comprehensive but it included: laundry, organizing friend visits, getting them to school, cooking a good dinner, and setting up the elf on the shelf every night…

after our conversation, i knew i had to do something…so, i went downstairs and called the kids over…when we were face-to-face i gave them a play-by-play of all that mom had been doing around the house and said, you need to go upstairs right now and tell her that you’re thankful for all she does for you…they nodded and were beginning to turn to go upstairs when i said, and there’s one more thing (my own storm was getting whipped up by now), do you think the magic elves come in at night and really bring you all this shtuff?! *in my head it sounded more like this, do you think it’s the flyin’ fuckin’ magic elves?! — but, i didn’t say that out loud…

[now, i know what you’re thinking — you didn’t but i’ll tell you, oh yes i did! it was on now, and mom needed backup — and mom wasn’t the only thing that was going to burst, we were going to burst some worldviews here and now…had to do it (and our kids are in fifth grade, it was time and it was the time!)]

after i asked them that question, they were like: uhmmmm…

so i asked them: who do you think does all this stuff, really?

(after a pause) they said: you guys?!

me: yes, but primarily it’s your mom — look, this stuff doesn’t just happen, it’s not magic — it’s because work is getting done. you need to see that, be appreciative of it. so, go thank your mom.

so they did.

and the storm cleared.

and the dominoes fell.

after the elves, it was santa.

after santa, it was the tooth fairy.

and so on.

happy holidays to you & yours!

everyone wins…

is one of those ideas that’s passed around as gospel among the young people of today…

unfortunately, it’s a lie…everybody doesn’t win…in fact, you might not win anything over the span of your entire life course…that’s a fact…

just the other day…i had a student say…

hey, mr. d., i think we should all get prizes…

[she said this as i was announcing the prize winners for a game we had just completed (the game is called ‘bomb squad’, otherwise know as “jenga”…and we played it for one short class session a week for several weeks)]

she doesn’t realize it, but saying this to me is like throwing me a softball to hit…i’m gonna ‘launch it’, you know…because she’s right in my wheelhouse…

so, i respond…

what do you think happens when you apply for a job?! what do you think happens when you interview for a job?!  you think everyone who applies for a job gets an interview?! you think everyone who gets an interview gets the job?! you think everyone who gets a job gets a promotion?!

this is not just a game, these are life lessons, sister…so, no, not everybody’s gonna get a prize…if you win, you get a prize…if you lose, you don’t…this is training for the real world…

she smiles and nods…and sees my passion…

i can see that she doesn’t get it yet, not completely, anyways–someday she will…

i wish i could say that she was the only student i had that thinks like this…she’s not…in fact, most of the kids that come through my door think this way, they expect to get something…it’s that ‘entitlement factor’ coming through again…

dr. david walsh and dr. leonard sax…two smart guys i respect and look up to…will tell you the same thing about kids today–importantly, it stems from parents and educators and other caring adults “trying to do good”, from trying to build kids up…specifically, kids’ self-esteem and self-confidence (it originated back in the late 70’s and 80’s…and has continued all the way up to today)…but, at the end of the day, what it teaches kids isn’t really something that we want them to be learning…the good feelings that they get when they get something in that way doesn’t build up self-esteem and self-confidence…more like, selfishness and greed…the good feelings that they get when we reward them for absolutely nothing are fleeting and fragile and false…

but, what can you expect from getting something for nothing?!

as i watch the students leave my room…i think about that short speech, which lasted 3 minutes…reflecting on it, i’m pretty sure it was the most important thing i taught them in the last two months (at least)…

we need to bring disappointment back…

it’s something we should be teaching our children (regularly) in our homes and schools across the country!

“when you find your path, you must not be afraid. you need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” – paulo coelho

teacher blob

i love the movie freedom writers…it is one of the most inspiring movies about teaching that i’ve ever seen…

there’s one part (see below) that gets me every single time–can’t help it…

 

at the same time, one of the things that “smells funny” about the story freedom writers is that…

you get the idea that there’s no student erin gruwell can’t connect to, can’t reach, or can’t teach…

maybe that was true–in her case (if so, it makes the whole thing all the more remarkable)…but, in my experience…working with kids for 16+ years…i’ve never known it to be so–for myself…or for any other teacher/youth worker i’ve had the privilege to know and work with…

[importantly, this isn’t me taking shots at that movie, that story, erin gruwell or anyone connected to that amazing tale…their story is one that we should celebrate after all]

but, what has been true for me and others is…the reality that no one can make it on their own–in this line of work–no one can do it all for all kids…that’s the plain truth…

simply put–and as much as i hate to admit it–i cannot reach all kids, though i try…i cannot teach all kids, though i try…i cannot impact all kids, though i try…

[day in and day out]…

but, there’s a good chance one of my colleagues can…

and that’s good news…

we’re not alone, we’re not on our own…

there have always been (and always will be) students that my colleagues relate to and teach better than i do…and, i’m glad that they can do that…i’m glad that they’re there…for many reasons…but, especially for the fact that they can reach those kids…

truth be told, i didn’t always feel that way…in my early days, i thought i should be able to reach all kids, no matter what…i was overly optimistic to say the least…but then, i was young and naive, too…now, i’m older (much older) and wiser…and i know what lies at the heart of the matter…

ultimately, i know now that…despite the fact that i can’t reach all students…the story doesn’t end there…some things are yet to be written…on their hearts and minds…and those students (most of ’em)–can run, but they can’t hide (heh, heh)…

from the great, unstoppable, inescapable…

teacher blob…

somehow, somewhere, sometime…

we’ll get you 🙂

 

note: the term “teacher blob” was coined by my wife, who also happens to be a teacher

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