The immigrant is my ancestor and my friend.
[Ruminations]
Category Archives: observations
Deep Thoughts
Be careful when you follow the masses, sometimes the “M” is silent.
-Anonymous
The Nature of Crime: Immigrant Criminality (or, non-criminality)
1. Most immigrants (documented or otherwise) to the U.S. are less likely to participate in crime than citizens.
2. U.S. communities with higher populations of immigrants tend to have less crime than those with lower populations of immigrants.
3. Most crime is INTRAracial, meaning you will most likely be victimized by someone who looks like you. *Also, most crimes tend to happen between “known persons” — married, dating, friends, associates, etc. — “stranger” victimizations happen at lower rates. So, the idea that this “other” person is the biggest threat to your life, family, well-being, and safety is utter nonsense.
In other words, the portrayal of immigrant criminality by our current national leadership is blatantly false — and ugly.
Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, kids.
Sincerely,
Your friendly, neighborhood Criminal Justice Instructor
Looking forward
one of the things that helped me when i was down and out last year was reading the book meditations – by marcus aurelius. a friend had sent it to me when he heard i was having a hard time and i found it to be pretty awesome (thank you, juan, for the gift). not only for its insights on facing hard things, but also for the everyday wisdom and philosophy it contained. often referred to as the stoic’s bible, one of the key ideas that struck me was the fact that we really are just a mere blink of an eye in the span of human existence — and that while we do matter, we shouldn’t make too much of our role in the natural course of things. this is not to say that our lives don’t count for much or that our friends & family (& others) don’t value our presence — but, with the stoic approach, it does have the potential to right-size things about ourselves and our place in the human story (keep things in perspective, if you will). nevertheless, i found it to be a good companion to – not a replacement for* – the work i was doing with my counselor (as referenced in the last post). and, i think there might be something of value in it for you, too.
as i close this one out, you should know that i spent over a week on the title of this post. now, some of you might be like, what?! get your sh** together, dettmann – just put a title on it and send it out🙂 and i hear that, but — i was going back and forth between “looking forward” and “looking ahead”. i settled on “looking forward” because of the positivity that is embedded in the phrase — when you look forward to something you are hopeful, waiting with anticipation for what’s to come — and expecting that something good will happen. and, it’s hard to look forward when you’re always looking back — or living back, trapped in the past or by the past — and take it from me, if you don’t deal with your history and that of your ancestors, your sh** will always come out sideways. but, if you do take the time to do the hard work (and reconcile with that shtuff) — you can really live (for today and for tomorrow) — and look forward with new eyes — knowing that something good is coming.
*in my view, nothing can replace the help you can get from a trained mental health professional (if available) and/or medication (if needed).
note: there are a number of translations of meditations out there, but i really like the one pictured here, by Gregory Hays.
Looking back
after rereading dark day again…it reminded me of all that was going on at the time.
it was a hard stage of life — without going into too much detail, there had been a series of hard things that happened back to back to back to back. and honestly, it felt like the universe had given me the ultimate beat down. it also felt like it wasn’t going to stop – like i was trapped, right in the middle of the shitty shit.
which led to overwhelming feelings of dread, despair, anxiety and fear.
feelings that were too hard for me to overcome on my own.
so i needed to reach out for help.
so i did.
and it helped.
nowadays, is a different time — different than when my parents were coming up and definitely different than when their parents were. some things are harder, but some things are easier. in their day, people buried or ignored the really hard things — there weren’t a lot of places to go to for help, and even if you wanted to, it was frowned upon (at the very least). so things didn’t get dealt with — and were passed onto the next generation. things that would pop up later (for the progeny) when life got hard.
i bring this up because, had i lived back then, i probably would’ve done what they did — but because of how things are today i had another option — and it really saved me.
the option was therapy.
the option was seeing a counselor.
the option was (and is) hard work.
the option is actually working (though i’m not to the past tense yet:)
and because i’m not to “the past tense yet” — i am still working at righting my ship.
[it’s important for you to know that i’m still working on things that went off the rails in march of this year — and to be honest, things that started before then.]
but, i’m getting better.
and that’s something to celebrate.
so, if you’ve been there (or you are there) — in a place where the world has punched you in the gut, in a place where the world has kicked you in the teeth — and you’re feeling that overwhelming dread and despair — reach out.
no matter if you’re 25 or 75 — or any age in-between — it’s not too late.
there is still hope.
Dark Day
It came on like a
dark wave
Drags us down
no escape
We try to
be brave
But our words
betray
It really
feels grave
Wish we could
be saved
But it seems like
the end of days–
Yeah, it’s a
hard day
Yeah, it’s a
hard place
Not sure
we can take
Another
Good Friday.
At My Age
I’ve been the hero
and been the villain
Know what it’s like
to come out winnin’
Know what it’s like
to fall down sinnin’
For so long
I never fit in
Nowadays,
I’m just comfortable in
my own skin.
*My Ruminations on Turning 50
the flyin’ f**kin’ magic elves
every once in a while you need to challenge your children — in this case, i mean — challenge their understanding of how the world really works (at the core) and keep it real.
this was one of those times…
a few weeks ago, there was a storm brewing inside our house…and it had the normal warning signs…the rumbling, the growling, the flashes of lightning on the horizon, and the general feeling that something big was going to erupt — and erupt soon.
the reason for the ominous weather was pretty simple — it was because my wife was upset. note: she’s not prone to this, takes a while to get her there, but it was too much. *thinking back on this event, i’m literally surprised that she didn’t throw down some serious lightning bolts right then and there [i could swear her eyes glossed over with that milky-white haze you see happen when storm (from the x-men) lights up the sky — boom!]
regardless, she was upset because our kids were disgruntled and complaining about everything (it was non-stop) — and so then, as you would expect, it happened — my wife burst😊and shared with me, in an edgy-hushed voice (upstairs while the kids were downstairs), why she was so frustrated…she told me that she couldn’t believe that the kids were so unaware and most importantly — so unappreciative of all that we (but particularly she was doing for them) — this list is not comprehensive but it included: laundry, organizing friend visits, getting them to school, cooking a good dinner, and setting up the elf on the shelf every night…
after our conversation, i knew i had to do something…so, i went downstairs and called the kids over…when we were face-to-face i gave them a play-by-play of all that mom had been doing around the house and said, you need to go upstairs right now and tell her that you’re thankful for all she does for you…they nodded and were beginning to turn to go upstairs when i said, and there’s one more thing (my own storm was getting whipped up by now), do you think the magic elves come in at night and really bring you all this shtuff?! *in my head it sounded more like this, do you think it’s the flyin’ fuckin’ magic elves?! — but, i didn’t say that out loud…
[now, i know what you’re thinking — you didn’t — but i’ll tell you, oh yes i did! it was on now, and mom needed backup — and mom wasn’t the only thing that was going to burst, we were going to burst some worldviews here and now…had to do it (and our kids are in fifth grade, it was time and it was the time!)]
after i asked them that question, they were like: uhmmmm…
so i asked them: who do you think does all this stuff, really?
(after a pause) they said: you guys?!
me: yes, but primarily it’s your mom — look, this stuff doesn’t just happen, it’s not magic — it’s because work is getting done. you need to see that, be appreciative of it. so, go thank your mom.
so they did.
and the storm cleared.
and the dominoes fell.
after the elves, it was santa.
after santa, it was the tooth fairy.
and so on.
happy holidays to you & yours!
God Smacked (Part II)
the second time it hit me recently (a time where i saw God in my daily life) was…
when i was driving to work a month or so ago…
well, it was a friday and i was happy as can be — until the flat tire happened. there i was, pulling through the drive thru for my regular friday morning coffee when the “tire pressure” warning light came on. i thought, ok, this is related to the patch i just got 2 weeks ago when a nail went through — but no, this was a new flat (and i heard it before i saw it). the dreaded hiss of air going out. and then i saw it. a piece of sheet metal embedded in the tire. honestly, i feel like mad max in fury road these days because there’s so much sh** on the roads with all the f**king construction (press play on “old man rant”)! anyways, it was a slow leak — so, i paused and considered my options. and that’s when it started to rain. so, i checked the time and realized that i was already running late, so my next thought was: i could change the tire and be even later (and dirty, wet & grungy b/c of having to crawl around on the wet ground) or go to plan b. plan b won out. i drove on and made it to a tires plus close to work, ubered in, and got to school right before the students showed up. that was a blessing in and of itself. then, right around lunch time, as i was sitting there ruminating on the sh**-show start to the day – i heard a voice say, hey, mr. d.?! i looked over towards the door and saw a student from last year’s class (graduated already) standing there smiling. and she wasn’t empty-handed. she had randomly brought me in a milkshake from mcdonald’s — and it completely turned things around. funny thing, the student is somali (from a recent immigrant family) — and we couldn’t have more different life stories — but we both love us some mickey d’s!;) anyways, it was an unexpected kindness — and totally saved my day! thank you, muna!
God Smacked (Part I)
prior to this fall…it had been hard for me to see God, the higher power, the ultimate goodness — in the day-to-day — it was a significant non-God phase for me…where i definitely felt the absence of the Holy Spirit…but, then something happened…
and not once, but twice…
here’s the first thing that hit me…
it came out of the blue…two friends/families we’ve gotten to know through our kids’ friends randomly coordinated a double-sleepover for our kids, jack & grace. and they did this so that my wife & i could have an overnight together (without our kids around). when i first heard about the offer (through my wife) i was so overwhelmed by the gesture that it nearly knocked me off me feet. i had that reaction because it had been 10 years since we’d had a completely solo overnight without our kids! let me say that again — it had been a decade! pretty wild. have you ever been given a gift like that?! if you have, you know what i’m talking about — when it happens, it rocks your world (in the best possible way)…it was very generous and thoughtful — and my wife and i made the most of it! thank you, tanya & gretchen — for that little (but big) act of kindness — we are grateful for the gift you gave us — 100%! while i know there are those who may use this term to reference different experiences — in my world, what happened to us is what i’ve come to call being God Smacked — to be loved with such a force that it bowls you over, right then and there! 🙂
*in retrospect, the most ridiculous part about this whole thing was my thinking as we were getting to know these friends a year or two ago – i was like, i’ve got my friends, i don’t need new ones, i don’t need to get my friends through my kids, etc…but then, i came to know them and like them (for sure) and pretty quickly overcame my silly resistance towards these new friendships — even before this amazing gift!
**this event also ignited a memory — and i had flashbacks to when the kids were first born (we had twins) — and at that time, so many friends and family members showed up and loved us — and helped us through those early days…we wouldn’t have made it to today without that kind of love…
(it's like) herding cats... 