Author Archives: dave

the trouble with hats

April 24, 2015 By in school policy, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

there are approximately 14,402 small holes in the asbestos filled ceiling tiles above my desk at school…

i know this because i’ve made the count multiple times, over multiple years…

i know this because that’s where i choose to look instead of out and across my classroom…

i know this because looking across my classroom at this time of year is dangerous…

the time of year is spring…and it’s warming up…

and apparently, when it’s spring and when it’s warm…

clothing is optional…

at least for the young women in my classes (the young men have different “clothing issues”, which we’ll get to as well)…

and, if i look up from my desk–and take that risk, i might see something that no one really should be seeing…unless, of course, they’re in a committed, intimate relationship with another person (another adult person), you know…

now, it’s not entirely their fault…sure they’re making choices about what to wear to school or what to “change into” once they get to school…but, ultimately, they’re a product of our society, our culture…we live in a world that puts a freakish amount of pressure on young women to look and dress in a certain way…

i see the effects of that pressure in my classroom every single day (even when it’s not warm out)…young women dressing with “little or no clothing” or clothing that is “super tight or skin-tight” — like it’s painted on, like they’re auditioning to be the next “mystique” (see the x-men movies) …because that’s how they’ve been taught to dress, because that’s what gets them attention…from both the men and the women that they’re around…

it gets the attention of the young men in the classroom because all men “are visual” and it “trips men’s triggers”, so to speak (so say all the teenage magazines and biological/sociological/psychological journals)–so says real life experience, too; for the young women, it can send a different message…like, “see, this is attractive and gets me attention” or “i’m getting attention and you’re not”–and, more importantly and more unfortunately, other females who aren’t dressed this way measure themselves against those that are...the comparison game is on…and that’s a “no win” endeavor (and shoot, i see women of all ages doing this to each other…shows you just how powerful this shtuff can be)…

[i’m scratching the surface here, with appearance and body image…it’s an issue that concerns me as a teacher, and especially, as a father of a daughter…so, this is an issue we’ll definitely return to in a later post]

at this point, you can see one of the reasons why dr. sax argues for separating schools by gender…gender separated schools minimize these issues…

and, because our school isn’t “gender separated”…when i see young women dressed in this attire, i think…

man, school uniforms might not be a bad idea…

[granted, this is coming from a guy who wears sweatpants any chance he gets–and didn’t fully learn “how to dress for success” until his 40’s…and with lots of help from his wife]

this is true for the young men as well, whose most common violations are “sagging pants” and inappropriate images or lettering on their clothing…no one wants to see your pants hanging down…no one wants to see your boxers, fellas…and, no one wants see your miller time shirt t-shirt–or my new favorite, the t-shirt that has rows and rows of little automatic weapons on it–seriously?! (now, that’s a really positive message you’re sending there, son)…

these choices are also the result of what men see in popular media and our society at large…their heroes, the tough guys and thugs dress this way…and, it affects their demeanor, too…

and, once again, when i see young men dressed in this attire, i think…

man, school uniforms might not be a bad idea…

…

all this to say that…i know that we have a dress code at our school…i just don’t see anyone following it…or enforcing it, you know…

with one exception, that is…

with hats…

in my eight years as a high school teacher, the one item that seems to be a serious violation of our school dress code is–the sports cap… “make sure your kids take their hats off when they come into the building” and “can you have your student take his hat off? i saw him sitting in your class with it on.” – i wish i was kidding, but i’m not–these are things people have actually said to me…apparently, sports caps are the root of all evil, the path to the dark side…

[darth vader didn’t sport so much of hat as a helmet…anyways, i always thought it was fear…fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the dark side 🙂 ]

anyways…not once, have i heard an administrator take issue with “what type of clothing” or “the lack of clothing” kids are wearing to class…

i guess it’s no surprise then, that in a recent online article, posted on a legitimate education website…the primary focus of the author’s angst was students who wore hats to school functions…

and of course…i get why, in certain schools, hats are banned–because of their representation of gang affiliation… and i get that “not taking off your hat indoors”, especially at certain events, is disrespectful…but, neither of these things explain how it came to this, how it got this far…where wearing a hat is tantamount to treason…the ultimate betrayal of our schools clothing norms and rules…

what about the clothing the kids are wearing? what about the clothing they’re “not wearing”?

in today’s world, i can imagine the policy makers and administrators confronting a student who is wearing nothing but a hat…

administrator: hmm, you mind taking your hat off, that’s a clear violation of school policy.

student: sure, anything else?

administrator: no, you’re good.

for me, this is one more example of “not dealing with the real issues”…in this case, hats are a small part of a larger problem–what kids are wearing to school–so, deal with the real issue and make a change in school dress codes, in how we deal with what kids are wearing to school every day…and we’ll see some great things happen…like learning …and “the hat issue” will disappear, too…

in other words, i’m talking about building a culture of respect—

1. self-respect (what an individual feels/knows about who they are–one aspect of this relates to what students know/feel about who they are when they wear appropriate clothing);

2. “other-respect”…respect from peers, teachers, other school employees and other professionals (when students wear appropriate clothing);

and “how you’re dressed” could definitely include uniforms…

uniforms support a culture of respect…and more…

uniforms help build equality and unity as well…require uniforms and you take away something that kids use against other kids–you take away their ability to wear social class and status on their sleeves…require uniforms and you take away the “teen celebrity” and lay the foundation for unity, for community…require uniforms and you take away the “me” and move towards the “we”…

 

respect, equality, and unity…

 

it sounds like this…

 

i am worthy.  you are worthy.

 

i treat myself with dignity.  i treat you with dignity.

 

i am for you.  i am with you.  we are in this together.

 

recommended readings: “boys adrift” (2007) and “girls on the edge” (2010) by dr. leonard sax.

the trouble with fun

April 23, 2015 By in teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

here’s an email i had waiting for me one morning…

[the names have been changed to protect the innocent]

hello mr. dettmann,

my son, jeremy, is in your afternoon criminal justice class. he is really enjoying it. i’m sending this email because i’m concerned about why he is enjoying it and i’m not getting a very clear picture from my son.  the reason for my concern is i have heard from more than 1 person (a parent and then a student, the 2 are not related) “all the students do is watch movies in criminal justice”.  i know there is another class in the morning, so this could be a reflection on that class not yours. with that being said, could you please provide me with your syllabus and/or an overview of your class? i have asked jeremy about it, he says movies are used but not all the time. i’m not satisfied with what I’m hearing. i’m trying to gain some understanding of what the reality is in this class. the registration booklet doesn’t mention the use of movies as a teaching tool. while i can appreciate movies being helpful and enjoyable, i don’t think they paint a very real picture for the students.

thank you for taking the time to respond.

mrs. smith

…

what i really wanted to write back and say was…

dear mrs. smith,

not only do we watch movies…but, we also play games, tell stories and go on scavenger hunts during class time!

oh and why don’t you…kiss my ass, bitch?!

sincerely,

mr. dettmann 

🙂

but, i didn’t write back in anger and say those things…i wrote back and asked her to take a look at her son’s notebook…because every week we take “several days worth of notes”, take quizzes, complete a variety of assignments, read articles and book excerpts, hear from guest speakers (in the field of criminal justice), have discussions and debates, and think critically about the world at large…oh and we also watch movies, play games and go on scavenger hunts, too…i listed every single thing we did for the weeks leading up to and following her email…no hiding, no hesitation–and no apologies…straight up, man…

at the end of the email, i also reminded her that my class was an elective…and with that, i explained that the students can learn something and have fun doing it—at the same time (go figure?!)…and, more importantly, i told her that her son was in my class because he chose to take it…and if he wasn’t happy with the class, he could opt out of it next semester…

she went quiet after that…

and her son came back to my class the following semester…

who knew “fun” could be such a problem?!

escape from alcatraz

April 15, 2015 By in teaching and coaching Tags: , , Leave a comment

~quote of the month~

here’s how the exchange went…as i started up the film ‘escape from alcatraz’ in class (a few weeks ago)…

me: this movie is a bit older, but it still holds up.

student: so, just like you, then?!

all i could do was laugh…

(got me this time!:)

great expectations

April 10, 2015 By in teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

one day, in my first year as a high school teacher, i encountered my principal in the hallway…and she asked me…

so, are you gonna have a team this year?

me: a team for what?

principal: for skillsusa, the state competition our teachers send students to? (at this time, i really had no idea what skillsusa even was–now, i know that it’s a national student organization that holds skills competitions in a variety of trades each year)

me: send students to? in what area?

principal: well, for you, it would probably be ‘the crime scene investigation competition’–where your students would process a crime scene from beginning to end.

me: crime scene investigation?! i’ve never processed a crime scene myself–how am i supposed to teach them how to do that?!

principal: i know, but i’m sure you’ll figure it out (and then she walked off).

[this is how messages get delivered (sometimes) at our school…anyways, you might be thinking…well, you’re the criminal justice teacher, right?! you should know this stuff.  well, one of the things that most people don’t know about criminal justice is that ‘not everyone who has worked in criminal justice has been a cop, investigator, or csi’–in fact, there are literally hundreds of jobs in criminal justice–and the cop, investigator, and csi are just three career designations in a very big pond…in my case, i had a master’s degree in criminal justice and worked in the specialty area of juvenile justice–working in different facilities with kids who got in trouble with the law–not in crime scene investigation]

so, i was left standing there…dumbfounded…thinking…

how in the hell am i supposed to do that?! this has to be some kind of joke?!

so, that year, with all the trials and tribulations a first year teacher endures…i didn’t send a team…

in my second year at the school, my principal asked me once again…

so, are you going to send a team this year?

if i felt like i didn’t have a choice when she asked me the question last year, then i definitely felt cornered this time around–the stakes were higher…it was expected…

so, i said…

yep. 

[with absolutely no idea about how i was going to do this]…

you’ve probably heard the term ‘growing edges’…it’s a euphemism for being pushed to do something you’re not comfortable doing, and on-top of that, not sure if you’re capable of doing it…i like to refer to it as ‘the gauntlet’…the dark passage…will you succeed? will you make it to the other side? or will you go down in flames?

luckily, when she asked me the question this time….i had about 5 months until the competition…and i used every spare moment i had (outside of teaching) to read and learn and talk to people in the field–police officers, crime scene investigators, detectives–about how to process a crime scene…and then i read some more…oh, and then i read some more…

based upon what i learned, i figured it would take a couple of weeks to train my students–my team of three (despite all the promotional stuff we do each year, we typically end up with just a handful of students who are interested in these competitions)…how to do this and how to do it right…what i had come to know was that…while processing a crime scene wasn’t rocket science–there was a right way to do it; and things needed to be done in a correct and ordered fashion…with specific attention to detail and documentation (there was also a significant amount of gear that i had to order to make sure we had all the right supplies to collect the evidence)…

so, we met and trained and went through different crime scenarios that i had prepared for them (outside of the normal class schedule)…

as we trained, i felt confident with what i was teaching them to do…still, there was that lingering question…can i pull this off?

honestly, i was still rattled…i had no idea how they would do when it came to the competition…ultimately, i was just hoping i didn’t embarrass myself…and i didn’t want to let the kids down either…granted, i couldn’t be there to see them compete (none of the advisors/coaches are allowed to watch the contests)…it was up to the students, they were on their own…and the judges (real crime scene investigators and detectives) and that was it…sink or swim…

so, on the day of the contest, i met them outside the main bay of elevators in the conference center lobby…they were told that their competition would be in a room, on the top floor of the hotel, where the skillsusa conference was being held…a crime scene would be set up in that room (and the judges would be there to greet them)…i was not to come up with them…

so, i wished them good luck and sent them up…

[the crime scene investigation competition takes about two to three hours for students to complete]

so, i waited in the lobby…and waited…and waited…

about two 2.5 hours later, the elevator doors opened and my students clambered out with all of their crime scene gear…

i peppered them with questions…how did it go? was it what you expected? what was it like?

they answered all my questions…a few times they mentioned things that could’ve been done differently (per the judges)…and a few times they mentioned things that the judges really liked…

after talking for a while, i asked them…

do you feel good about how you did? about what you did?

they said…

yes.

i nodded and said…

then, that’s all that matters…

i shook their hands and told them to go and enjoy the rest of the conference…and then i told them that i would see them tomorrow at the awards ceremony…we wouldn’t know until the next day how we really did…depending on your scores, you could place first, second, third, or not at all…

i wasn’t counting on anything…

well, i didn’t sleep much that night…tossing and turning…and morning finally came…it was awards ceremony day…

there were hundreds of kids there, kids who had competed in everything from nail care to carpentry, from auto repair to photography…if you can think of a trade, then it was probably represented by a contest at this competition–honestly, it’s a pretty cool thing to see…anyways, all of the kids were seated and nervously waiting for the awards to be announced (so were the advisors)…

i wasn’t counting on anything…

the awards ceremony lasted a good 3+ hours…and as it went on, i would see students from our school get awards …cosmetology, photography, graphic design, and others…it seemed like our school was well represented…as the ceremony went on, i would steal a quick glance at my students (who were seated next to me)…i could sense how tense they were…i was too…

we must have waited for more than 2 hours to hear the results of our contest…and then it came…

announcer: for crime scene investigation (high school)…

third place…

[wasn’t us]

second place…

[wasn’t us]

first place…

[it was us]

he called our name, we won! i just about lost it, i couldn’t believe it…i was jumpin’ for joy…

we just won first place for crime scene investigation, we just won first place in state!

at that moment, the kids went nuts…i was so happy for them, i was so proud of them! i watched them go up to the podium and accept their awards…they had accomplished something great, we had accomplished something great…and as i looked around the great hall, all of my colleagues were looking at me…i could see the respect in their eyes…

unbelievable?!

…

the kids and i went on to compete in nationals, they didn’t place…but, they showed well and did a great job…in the years to come, i coached three more state championship teams…and i’m always recruiting for the next competition…

to this day, i always think of that first contest, that first title…as one of the most awesome, crazy, proud, freakish, unbelievable and unforgettable moments in my teaching career…

note: for a classic example of “how not to process a crime scene”, take a look at the footage that shows the italian crime scene investigators processing the amanda knox crime scene…completely and totally careless, utterly ridiculous!

the good book

April 2, 2015 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

the other day, our family was playing in the backyard…

my son was swinging a big stick around…

and, as he was swinging the stick around he kept saying…

i’m gonna bam you in the head.

me: bam who?!

son: those guys.

me: which guys?

son: i’m goliath and i’m gonna bam them!

my wife: how do you know that goliath ‘bammed people’?

son: it was in the Jesus book.

debunking csi…

March 5, 2015 By in teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

the television show ‘crime scene investigation’ is one of the most popular crime shows of all-time…

but, that doesn’t mean it’s accurate…

and that matters for students pursuing careers in criminal justice…

because a lot of the kids that show up in my classes are there, in large part, because of what they’ve seen on that show…and they want to “do that”…

if you haven’t figured it out by now, i teach criminal justice, at both the high school and college levels…and one of my favorite lessons is the one i call “debunking csi” 🙂  my motivation for doing this lesson is not to “slam” a show that millions of people love to watch or to be overly cynical about life in general…that’s not my style…but, my objective is to “be real” and upfront about what crime scene investigators “really do for their jobs”…before my students drop a significant amount of cash on a csi degree…that, and the fact that “thinking critically” is a really important thing in my classroom and “on the job”…

anyways, it’s a simple classroom lesson…

so, what do we do?

well, a couple times a year we will go through an episode of csi and identify the things that we see the crime scene investigators doing in the show…once we’ve done that, we break it down…and identify the things that crime scene investigators do “in real life”…

here are the actions i have them track:

INTERROGATES A SUSPECT

INTERVIEWS A WITNESS

COLLECTS EVIDENCE*

USES A GUN

TELLS INVESTIGATORS WHAT TO DO

TESTS EVIDENCE*

USES HIGH-END TECHNOLOGY

CARRIES A GUN

GETS A SUPER-QUICK RESULT ON DNA/PRINTS/BLOOD

afterwards, we look at their tally sheets…interestingly enough, from following just one episode, they will have several marks in each of the above categories…it’s no wonder kids (and adults) think the way they do…so, i’m quick to point out two categories that are actually the csi’s job:

a) collecting evidence

&

b) testing evidence

while you see the actors doing all of the things on the above list…crime scene investigators don’t do all of those things “in real life”…most of what you see them doing: from interviewing suspects and witnesses to brandishing firearms to getting ‘super-quick results on an evidence test’ just doesn’t happen and it definitely doesn’t happen in an hour’s time…those are things that police officers, detectives, and federal agents do…additionally, they don’t tell police officers and detectives what to do…they are part of team that usually has a lead detective (and the crime scene investigators or crime scene unit would be reporting their findings to him/her)…another point of fact is that police officers, detectives and federal agents are trained in the collection of physical evidence, though they regularly leave that task to the crime scene unit…

so, at this point, i always ask my students: is being a csi is really what you want to do???

only a few of the students reply with a “YES!”

for the others, i always recommend another show…one that follows real life detectives through the course of an actual investigation…

the show is called “the first 48″…

and it’s highly recommended…

love is thicker than water

February 19, 2015 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

but nothing lasts forever
your best efforts don’t always pay
sometimes you get sick and you don’t get better
that’s when life is short even in its longest days

-john mellencamp

my cousin died when she was 46…

her name was lisa and it happened last fall…

and i remember walking into the funeral home with my mom, dad, and sister…we came first to an anteroom, and upon entering, my eyes found her three children…one in college, one in high school and one in junior high…and then, i saw her husband coming ’round the corner…and that’s when i lost it…and then her husband lost it, too…and then we all embraced in a messy, tearful, tangled hug…

my aunt and uncle were there, too…bonnie and jay…and though they were visibly broken, somehow, some way they were keeping it together…my cousin john was there, too (lisa’s brother–it was always just the two of them)–wrecked, but holding strong as well…i guess they had all cried enough tears in the previous few weeks…lisa had been in the hospital for a little while before she died…and despite the fact that she had maintained an amazingly optimistic and hopeful attitude, right up until the end, the cancer was merciless and relentless…it would not be held at bay, it would not yield…

sometimes you get sick and you don’t get better…

so, over three days time, we went from the viewing, to the funeral service, to the burial and then to the reception …returning to my aunt and uncle’s place on occasion to regroup…it was weird, it was surreal…being around people who you normally long to see and visit with…our relatives, our family…yet, not having her there…it didn’t make sense…

along with that, i didn’t have a lot of experience being at funerals or knowing people who had died…in my world, it added up to a handful of people….most of them were older…grandparents, even great grandparents…people from “the greatest generation”…people who had lived long, full lives…and while we definitely felt the loss of their passing, their dying made more sense…and their funerals more closely resembled what people commonly call “happy funerals”…where the person “is celebrated” and the funeral is “a celebration”…

this wasn’t a “happy funeral”…this wasn’t “a celebration”…

this was sadness, grief, and pain…

i think everyone felt that it happened too soon…

probably because everyone that was there knew lisa…and if you knew her…you knew what living life really meant, you knew what true innocence and goodness and faith really meant…you knew it because when you saw her, when you talked to her…you would see it, you would hear it…and when you see that kind of life, that kind of life force…in a human being…you think to yourself...nothing on earth can stop that, nothing can extinguish that fire, that spirit…  

and when a light like that goes out, it goes dark for everyone who looked upon it…

that’s the way i felt (and feel), anyways…

and there was something else…there is something more to the story…

something remarkable, despite the utter pain of her passing…something unique about her story…from beginning to end, from birth ’til death…

the remarkable thing is the love that her family holds for one another…the four of the them–lisa, john, bonnie, and jay…now, don’t get me wrong they’re not perfect or without trial or tribulation…they’re like any other family–any other real family, that is, that goes through the up’s and down’s of life…and believe me, they’ve come through their own fires…and yet still remained–a family…a family that they created…in love…especially between lisa and her parents…and, most especially, between lisa and her mom, bonnie…a mother and daughter…but more than that, best friends…i guess it’s significant for me because lisa (and her brother, john) were adopted–early in their marriage my aunt and uncle came to realize that they couldn’t have children…but, they still wanted kids…so, they adopted lisa and john…

as a man, i have no idea what a woman experiences or feels when she’s told she can’t have kids…when she’s told she can’t give birth to her own children…i mean, i know women who have had that experience outside of this story and often think that…

that’s really, really terrible

because

man, she would be an amazing mom (and he would be an awesome dad)

then instantaneously, the same thought always pops into my head…

i wonder if they’ll adopt?

my thinking probably plays out like this because at my base, at my core…i know lisa, john, bonnie, and jay…i know their story…i know what they mean to me…

i know that their family was (and is) closer than some biological families are…

i know that bonnie and jay have always seen lisa and john as their own…their son, their daughter…

i know that we (my sister and i) always saw them as our cousins not our ‘adopted ones’…

i know that, growing up, they were (without a doubt) our closest cousins…

i know that they have been and always will be my family…

not by blood, but by love…

thank you, girls

February 14, 2015 By in teaching and coaching, thank you notes Tags: , , , Leave a comment

despite my last entry, this school year has been 1000x better than last year…

the overwhelming majority of the kids i have are ‘into the student gig’ and ‘on top of their jobs’ in the classroom…

it’s a good feeling, it’s the best feeling…especially when measured against last year’s trials and tribulations…

it’s a much-needed reprieve…so much so that i’ve dubbed it ‘my recovery year’…

and i’m thankful for it…

i’m also thankful for a group of girls that i had in my class last year…a group of girls that got unintentionally pushed aside and lost in the turmoil and craziness that shrouded the last school year…pushed aside, but not forgotten…you see, they deserve mentioning, they deserve recognition…for the way they showed up in my class last year…

their names are natalie, lindsay, erin and sarah…

and last year, at the end of every class they said, ‘thank you’ as they left the room…and it was a genuine salutation…though a bit shocking, by today’s standards in public education…

so, ladies…here’s to you, here’s me raising a glass of coca-cola to you right now…

it didn’t go unnoticed, it mattered…

and i appreciate it!

cheers!

somebody’s son

February 13, 2015 By in teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

as a teacher, you have a lot of power…

and, depending on how you use it…it, and you, can either be a force for good or for evil, you know…

a couple of weeks ago, i was in a position to use my power for good…to stand up for a student…something that’s always been important for me…it’s always been important for me because i’ve always had a strong sense of justice and fairness (some might call it an overdeveloped one;)…i can trace the origins of this kind of mindset and posture back to my youth, back to elementary school…back to one week in elementary school to be exact–the week when we watched the movie ‘roots’ in class…that movie blew my mind…sitting there, watching it, i couldn’t believe that one human being could treat another human being so harshly just because they were a different color, just because they were a different race and culture, just because they had power and the other person was powerless…it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right…that movie had a great impact on my life, then and now…

anyways, here’s what happened in class…

we were watching a video in class and i had called a student up to the front of the room to help me with something…so, he got up and came towards the front of the room…right away, when he got up, a few other students started snickering…that got my attention…so, i looked over…my eye caught an object, a thin strip of paper peeking out from behind the student who had stood up…so, i told him…young man, you’ve got a piece of paper on your back…

[one thing, there are 43 kids in this particular class…which makes it a bit difficult to see what the kids are doing all the time, especially those that are a few rows deep…i wish i could say i was the only teacher in the u.s. that had this problem, but i’m not…and it’s an issue for learning and classroom management–and for student safety…anyways, had i not had him come up to my desk i probably wouldn’t have even have seen it, maybe he wouldn’t have seen it until later]

when i told him that he had a piece of paper stuck to his back, he spun around and awkwardly pulled it off his back…he looked down, read it, then looked up and walked straight towards a group of guys a few rows back…i got up from my desk and followed him…a heated verbal exchange ensued between several young men (the guy who had the note stuck to his back was standing in front of two students who were sitting at their desks)…one of the guys who was sitting at his desk grabbed the piece of notebook paper and started to crumple it up…

when i got to his desk, i said, hey let me see that… 

reluctantly, he gave me the piece of paper…i un-crumpled it and read it…immediately, i looked up (and at the two students who were sitting in front of me) and said (in a low growl), who wrote this?!

one of the boys spoke up…i did…

i looked at him and said, plain as you like, pick up your stuff and head to the clas program…

[clas program = iss]

we resumed class…

when i got back to my desk, i sat down and re-read the words on the piece of paper…

it read: he likes it in the ass

at the end of the class period i addressed the entire class, with a quiet intensity (it’s a register i hit when i really want something to stick), saying…

a student, a person…should be able to go through daily life, walk down the street, and most of all–come to class without being bothered, without being harassed…when something like this happens, there’s usually more than one student involved, i got one of the offenders today, and he’ll be out of here for tomorrow’s class as well…so, if you were in on it, i’m talking to you right now…don’t do it again.

when the class was dismissed, the student, the one who made the mistake of putting that note on his peer’s back came back to my room from the clas program…as i requested…

i asked him, why did you do it?

he said, i don’t know, it was stupid…

i told him, i can tell you regret it…but, just to remind you–that kind of behavior doesn’t fly in here, got it?! it’s serious enough that i’m going to keep you out of class for another day…please don’t do that again.

he said, yes, i’m sorry…

i said, we’ll see…

[and i didn’t say “we’ll see” to provoke him further or to belittle him…i told him that because i’ve told all my students that–on occasion–saying “i’m sorry” is important and does mean something…but, a lot people say it and it doesn’t mean a damn thing…teenagers and adults…so, i’ve told them i don’t want to hear i’m sorry, i want to see it–so, do it different next time!!!]

after he left, i emailed my principal and ‘the other powers that be’ to document the situation and allow them to follow-up if they wanted to…

we’ll see how the next few weeks go…

…

if i had a heightened sense of justice before i had kids, it has only magnified (x1000) since my own kids came along…i guess i’m like parents everywhere–when i send jack and grace out to daycare in the morning, i want to know that they will be safe and secure…and believe me, it’s a risky proposition, a high stakes game…sending your children out into the world…i want to know that their daycare provider, teachers, coaches and other trusted adults will be looking out for them when i’m not there…i want to know that they’ll be alright, you know…

it’s what i try to do for my students…it’s what i was able to do for the kid who was ridiculed with the sign on his back…

it wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right…what happened…he deserves to be treated with respect and with dignity…

because he’s a person, because he’s a human being…

because he’s somebody’s son…

everyone wins…

January 26, 2015 By in herding (my own) cats, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

is one of those ideas that’s passed around as gospel among the young people of today…

unfortunately, it’s a lie…everybody doesn’t win…in fact, you might not win anything over the span of your entire life course…that’s a fact…

just the other day…i had a student say…

hey, mr. d., i think we should all get prizes…

[she said this as i was announcing the prize winners for a game we had just completed (the game is called ‘bomb squad’, otherwise know as “jenga”…and we played it for one short class session a week for several weeks)]

she doesn’t realize it, but saying this to me is like throwing me a softball to hit…i’m gonna ‘launch it’, you know…because she’s right in my wheelhouse…

so, i respond…

what do you think happens when you apply for a job?! what do you think happens when you interview for a job?!  you think everyone who applies for a job gets an interview?! you think everyone who gets an interview gets the job?! you think everyone who gets a job gets a promotion?!

this is not just a game, these are life lessons, sister…so, no, not everybody’s gonna get a prize…if you win, you get a prize…if you lose, you don’t…this is training for the real world…

she smiles and nods…and sees my passion…

i can see that she doesn’t get it yet, not completely, anyways–someday she will…

i wish i could say that she was the only student i had that thinks like this…she’s not…in fact, most of the kids that come through my door think this way, they expect to get something…it’s that ‘entitlement factor’ coming through again…

dr. david walsh and dr. leonard sax…two smart guys i respect and look up to…will tell you the same thing about kids today–importantly, it stems from parents and educators and other caring adults “trying to do good”, from trying to build kids up…specifically, kids’ self-esteem and self-confidence (it originated back in the late 70’s and 80’s…and has continued all the way up to today)…but, at the end of the day, what it teaches kids isn’t really something that we want them to be learning…the good feelings that they get when they get something in that way doesn’t build up self-esteem and self-confidence…more like, selfishness and greed…the good feelings that they get when we reward them for absolutely nothing are fleeting and fragile and false…

but, what can you expect from getting something for nothing?!

as i watch the students leave my room…i think about that short speech, which lasted 3 minutes…reflecting on it, i’m pretty sure it was the most important thing i taught them in the last two months (at least)…

we need to bring disappointment back…

it’s something we should be teaching our children (regularly) in our homes and schools across the country!

“when you find your path, you must not be afraid. you need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” – paulo coelho