tradecraft…your voice (part VI)

May 28, 2014 By in tradecraft Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

i spent three years working in youth ministry (christian setting)…

well, what does that mean?  

it means that you work in a youth program at a local church…planning and organizing activities, events, community service projects and opportunities for spiritual growth and development–for elementary, middle school, and high school youth–basically, you try to connect to children and youth in a church setting…

it can be a great job because of the relationships that can develop with youth and families in the church community…you can connect with individuals and families at a level that is just not possible in some settings and that is an amazing thing…but it can also be a challenging job…because most parents and families have really high expectations about what they think you should be doing for their kids (this is especially true in churches with large youth programs)…and it’s been my experience that, while a parent might be hesitant to approach a pastor with a complaint or criticism, they don’t have the same restraint when it comes to you (the youth director) and they’re very likely to let you know what they think of you and your work (sometimes, in some of the most un-christian ways you can imagine–where is the love?!)…i’ve worked in prisons and in churches and the same ‘rule of thumb’ applies to both settings — watch your back...i am certain that there is a sociological dissertation waiting to be written on “life behind the scenes at a local church”…

anyways, we’re movin’ on…

one summer, we (the senior high youth director and i–i was the junior high leader) took a group of 40 high school students and 12 adults to new york city for a week (our church was based in omaha, nebraska)…the week was primarily focused on community service projects…there were also some recreational activities mixed-in during the afternoons and evenings…for fun, we went to central park, times square, the today show, battery park, chinatown, and the statue of liberty…and we also went to ground zero (not for fun, but just to see it…the location where one of the 9/11 attacks happened–it was the kind of thing that knocks you on your ass when you see it, i’ll never forget it)…anyways, our service-partner organization in new york city was called ysop (ysop = youth service opportunities project)…so, while we were in new york city, we stayed at a hostel and each day ysop would send us out in small groups (by way of mass transit) to a different work project in a different borough (the bronx, queens, brooklyn, etc) in new york [their main focus is to send out volunteers to work with the homeless and the hungry–which is what we did!]

quick note: i’ve participated in a lot of service experiences in my life…and this one was, by far, one of the best mission trips i’ve ever been on…ysop runs a highly organized, efficient, and ‘legit’ operation…i would recommend their organization to anyone wanting to bring young people to serve in new york city while fully experiencing the realities of the boroughs…check ysop out at:  http://www.ysop.org/

[i know…there’s a lot of background to this story…but, we’re getting there...to ‘the voice’ part, i promise…hang tough;)]

so, it was wednesday…mid-week in our experience…we had been working hard and playing hard (seeing a lot of sites), and it had been an especially hot and humid week in the city…it was the moment, during these kind of trips, when little ‘flare ups’ start to occur between ‘kids and kids’, ‘kids and adults’, & ‘adults and adults’–it is bound to happen…in this particular case, we were all en route to public transportation (making our way from the hostel to the ysop office) and one of the kids (named aron) in the youth group asked the senior high youth director if she would alter the plan slightly for the evening so we could stay out later in the city…walking en masse, like this, we were quite the sight (moments like these made me feel bad for nyc:) …anyways, aron and the senior high youth director were at the back of the pack and i was at the middle, with some other kids and adults up in front of the herd…as aron and my colleague were talking, the conversation became more and more ‘heated’ (i heard most everything that was said; i think this is due to my bionic ears…but seriously, the tubes i got when i was a kid did something spectacular…could it be that my military doctor who implanted the tubes in my ears was a part of a covert government program to engineer super soldiers?!  we can rebuild you…🙂

basically, aron was asking to alter the plan for the group and my partner said, “no–not happening”…it came out very sharp and i cringed a bit when i heard the tone of her response…in her defense, she was as hot, tired and impatient as everyone else in the group…aron was agitated, too (at his limit)…normally, a great kid–positive, smart and not easily disgruntled…but, in this case, he wouldn’t let it go and huffed up towards the middle of the pack…mumbling his distaste about the decision to some of his peers…

after a few minutes…he must have caught sight of me walking nearby because he was suddenly at my side…and i could see a little bit of fire in his eyes…it was something i had seen before…it was the kind of look you see in a kid when they’re going to openly challenge you, to push your limits…

then, he spoke…

aron: can i ask you something?

me: sure.

aron: what would you do if we all took off running in different directions right now?

[at that moment, i stopped walking…then, he stopped walking…and there was a “pause”…warning bells went off in my head…and then, the  little voice in my head said, it’s a trap…don’t take the bait…]

me: well…i’d probably head down to times square and enjoy my free time…

[i held my serious face for as long as i could…which wasn’t long…then, i busted out laughing…he did too…]

after a minute, he spoke again…

aron: that’s probably the best thing i’ve heard this morning…awesome…

then, he sped up to some friends near the front of the pack…

he didn’t take off, neither did any of the other kids…but, it wasn’t really about ‘making a run for it’…he was just testing me… he was looking for a fight, he was looking for a confrontation (with me, the only other ‘official staff member’ on the trip)…in this case, he was looking for a fast ball and i threw him a curve…it helped that i had heard the earlier exchange and some of his grumblings–so, i had a bit of a head start on how to respond to him…what to say and how to say it…to defuse and disarm him...how to use my voice in that way...

it’s something you can learn to do, too… it’s a skill you can develop…

in time…

mother’s day…part II

May 20, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats, thank you notes Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

when we were growing up, one of the things that i always loved about my mom was how welcoming she was…to my friends (and my sister’s, too)…my mom had (and still has)…

the gift of hospitality…

she says she’s 1/2 croatian, 1/2 ukrainian (white russian version)…but, i believe, to this day…that she’s got some mexican blood in her…there is something innate, something at her core…that rises to the top, when she’s in her element at home…something that reveals itself as the mi casa, su casa way of life…

this was evident throughout our childhood when friends would come over and hang out and have a meal…

there were countless times when my college roommates [magne (& kristine), einar (& kjersti), and tom…besides kristine, all of these friends are native norwegians–born and bred, baby!  they lived and studied in the u.s. for their college careers and we had some great times together] would stop by on a weekend or holiday back from college…and she would make up an amazing meal (more food than you could imagine) …stuffed, we would lounge around, talk, play games and laugh together (except einar, who could always be found sleeping in the recliner)…

another time that sticks out in my mind is when we had a surprise night visitor…it happened on one particular christmas eve…

well, it was well past midnight and we were all asleep…when there was a knock at the door…it was phuoc (we called him ‘foo’)…[he was a friend from high school, but since then, we had both been to college and were now living in the same town of olympia, washington]…my mom and my sister found him some bedding and a place to sleep…and i greeted him in the morning…and we ‘just had christmas together’…it wasn’t planned, it wasn’t announced, it wasn’t even on an invitation–but, my mom took him in…

thinking back, i know he didn’t have anywhere else to go…so, he came to our house…he knew he would be welcome there…

hospitality was/is her love language...no doubt…this was especially important for us since we were a military family and moved around a lot…it was a really crucial thing for us to have growing up…because back then, we knew that wherever we went…our friends would always be welcome at our house…

so, thank you, mom…for that loving and welcoming spirit!  it is something that we hope to cultivate in our own home…as our children grow up…

happy mother’s day!

love. dave.

mother’s day…part I

May 11, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats, thank you notes Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

this post goes out to my wife–the mother of my children…

the fact of the matter is…that some women are born to be moms (regardless of their status/standing in the world, marital status, or biological factors and realities)…it is a trait they possess…it is something innate…it is something that you know ‘when you see it’…

my wife is one of those women…

one of the things that i love to watch…other than the mummy’s day celebration on amc (‘mummy movies’ marathon)...is…the way that she loves our children…jack and grace…it’s not half-way, three-quarters, or even 99.9%…it is a complete and total immersion…100%!!!  this is not just ‘every other day’, or when ‘she feels like it’…but, she is there, she is present…every day…and they know it!!!  this is significant because she also works full-time, as a middle school teacher (7th grade science)…try doing that, then coming home and lovin’ your kids like she does, people!

amazing…

so, here’s to you, babe!  i love you, i admire you (bigtime)…and i wouldn’t want to herd (our own) cats with anyone else!

happy mother’s day!!!

love, me

school prayer

May 8, 2014 By in faith stories, school policy, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

as an american public high school teacher, i pray a lot…

i pray that i will be patient, i pray that i will be kind — to every student (and yes, i have to pray this prayer!), i pray that my students will hear me and understand what i’m talking about, i pray that my students will ‘make it’ and ‘survive their situations’…and occasionally, i pray that my day will end — sometimes, it goes like this…

dear Lord,

please let it stop…please, oh please, let this day end–right fuckin’ now!

amen.

i prayed this prayer regularly last semester (out of earshot of the students), often times when i was in the process of crumbling to the floor in the fetal position…no lie (see ‘hard lessons’ post:)

days, like these…when i’ve uttered prayers out of sheer desparation…are usually followed by multiple traffic violations …as i speed, like a bat out of hell, towards the nearest bottle of jack daniel’s…and then, i pray again…but, this time, it’s one of joy, thanksgiving and praise…

dear Lord,

thank you, for this bottle of jack d…

here’s to you…

amen.

[Jesus and jack daniel’s always get me through…heh, heh]

anyways, i digress…

despite all this, i don’t believe in public, ‘out loud’, demonstrative prayer in our public schools…and it’s not because i believe that students couldn’t benefit from some kind of spiritual time during their day, they could–no doubt…

but, my questions fall along ecumenical lines…

what prayers shall we pray in school? what meditations shall we do? shall we do the christian ones? i mean, i am a christian — so, i pray that way…well, what does that way even mean for a christian?  there are a thousand different types of christians out there and a thousand different types of christian prayers–there are even some christian prayers that might get you in some ‘hot water’ from other christians…i can hear their voices now…hey, that’s not the right kind of prayer to be praying in school, because it’s really not ‘christian-enough’, you know?

and hey, look, we haven’t even got to all the other great religions and faiths of the world…

at the end of the day, i guess i’m really glad that there are private schools out there, all kinds of ’em, that give people the option, the choice — to pray — if praying, intentionally & ‘out loud’, is something that they believe they should do in school…

peace be with you…

 

 

hot pursuit

April 24, 2014 By in faith stories, herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

i grew up in a lutheran family…we were church regulars (every sunday)…it was important for us, growing up…we would pray before dinner and at night before bed; we would talk about religion and faith (in addition to politics) at the dinner table…and my sister and i actively participated in “youth group” (monthly meetings for kids at church where we would do a variety of activities–some faith related and some not)…

but for me, when i was thirteen, the main reason why i got up and ready for church every sunday wasn’t for the love of Jesus–and it wasn’t to deepen my faith…

it was because i thought the pastor’s daughter was ‘hot’…

she was two years older than me and i had the biggest crush on her…so, every sunday…i really, really wanted to go to church–crazy, right?!  i wanted to, though, because…i hoped to catch a glimpse of her…a glimpse of beth is all i wanted…and sometimes i did see her there…when i did, my heart would start to beat a little faster and i would see (and hear) blue birds flying around and chirping (the cartoon version)…everywhere…zippity do da day…

and, i tried to get close to her and talk to her–i wasn’t subtle…

i was thirteen…

my motivations, my intentions had to be blatantly clear to everyone… including beth…in fact, anyone who saw my face on those sunday mornings knew what i was feeling, knew that i was love struck…

to give you an idea of my mindset…let me take you to a prayer we used to recite at church (nearly) every sunday…the Apostle’s Creed…the opening line went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; 

my version went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and beth;

🙂

well, time went by…and beth and i became friends…nothing more, nothing less…it was an infatuation that came and went…though it took up a lot of my ‘mind time’ and focus at that point in my life…especially, on sundays…

years later, i realized that while i had been going to church…i really hadn’t ‘been there’ (fully)–at all…i had spent a lot of that time focused on the wrong things…not that relationships and romance aren’t great…they are…i am a hopeless romantic, after all…but, my heart and mind were always preoccupied…caught up in the ‘shiny object of a teenage crush’…

at the same time, i realized that as intensely as i was seeking out and pursuing beth…God was intensely seeking out and pursuing me…i was just too foolish to realize it then…still, God (through the Holy Spirit) was laying the foundation, working on me, whispering to me…and it stuck…a lot longer than what i had hoped for with beth…

but, it is a greater love, after all…

when i think back to that time, i think of an onion…and realize that, back then…when i was  at church or contemplating my faith…i was just living on the surface…enamored with the ‘surface things’ of life; the superficial and material world around me…over time, i began to see the layers, see what i was missing out on…

and, go deeper…

and, eventually, turn to and embrace the God that had been pursuing me for years…

that doesn’t mean that my gaze hasn’t faltered or my faith hasn’t wavered since that realization…it has happened, periodically, througout my life course…when it has, i find myself on surface again…apart from what’s really important…distracted by other shiny objects that come along (whether it is something from within, like my anxiety and fears…or something outside of myself, like my career, household projects, sports, media and entertainment, or other material pleasures and possessions)…

thankfully, God’s gaze does not falter, God’s faith does not waver…

God does not give up the chase, He continues the pursuit…the desire to know and love me…and the world…

i know this because it’s in these moments when He calls me ‘to go deeper’, to come back home (sometimes with a whisper, sometimes with a shout) and return to His loving embrace…

and, somehow, some way…i make my way back…

[and now, as parents, becks and i are passing on our faith to our kids…slow and steady like…because we know what that relationship means to us; how important it is in our lives…how it has and continues to transform and change the way we see and love people…and we want that for jack and grace…so maybe, just maybe…as they get older…they’ll see what’s below the surface, see the layers, see what they might be missing out on…and, go deeper…into the loving arms of God…who is relentlessly pursuing them (and has been doing so, since the day they were born)…]

ryan

April 17, 2014 By in measure of a man Tags: , , , 6 Comments

so, ryan asked me…

hey, mr. d….would it be o.k. if i asked melanie (his girlfriend) to prom during your last hour?

i agreed…saying…

sure, what do you have in mind?

what he “had in mind” was this…

ryan showed up to my last class of the day…and i introduced him as a guest speaker that would be presenting on adolescents and alcohol…it fit with what we were doing…and right away, when he came in the door–melanie looked up, surprised…the look on her face said…what is he doing in class?! (i think it was the most attentive i’ve seen her all year;)

he went through his presentation (he had made up a power point that i ‘previewed’ earlier)…he talked about ‘the dangers of alcohol use for teenagers’ and ‘how we see increases in use around the time of prom’… then, he said…

given all these dangers…there’s just one question i have…melanie, will go to prom with me?

she got up, said “yes” and gave him a hug…the class erupted in applause… and, after what seemed like an eternity…i said, you can stop hugging now…

[thought i might have to call a code purple…’unauthorized public display of affection’ ;)]

i share this story not because of how it relates to prom…because depending on your perspective and/or your child’s high school experience, prom may or may not be a positive social ritual/tradition for your teenager…

but, i share this story for another reason…i share this story because of what ryan did, because of how he treated his girlfriend…because of his boldness (it takes courage to do that kind of thing in front of a group of students you don’t know)…

he put in work...he took the time to come up with a creative way to ask her to prom; he took the time to think about her…and, i think it was even more significant because she was his girlfriend…the look on her face was priceless, i could tell (at that moment) that he had succeeded in making her feel special…because of the love and respect he demonstrated…

i congratulated him later and said, ‘good work, young man’…

it’s important to hold up these stories, to celebrate these moments…

because there are a lot of guys out there who wouldn’t even think of doing something like that; there are a lot of guys out there who just expect things from girls…like they’re entitled to it…

but, they’re not…they need to put in work…show love and respect…like ryan did…

 

stick it…

April 15, 2014 By in measure of a man Tags: , Leave a comment

instead of giving boys ‘joy sticks’ and other hand held controls to play video games with; we should give boys the opportunity to pick up and play with real sticks…

joe

April 9, 2014 By in measure of a man, thank you notes Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

joe has been in my class for two years (the curriculum is set up so that you can take four semesters of criminal justice if you want to (and if your schedule “allows”)…

joe is a rarity among adolescent boys in today’s world…

because joe is the real deal; little about joe is a “front” or “false”…he possesses real self-confidence and bearing and maturity…and holds a worldview that, while not perfect, is truly positive…

joe has the potential to be a great man…

a few weeks back, i told the students that we would be watching freedom writers in class as a part of that week’s lesson (as a teacher, it is a truly inspirational tale–erin gruwell did some amazing work with those kids!)…a movie which usually gets groans from the boys, especially in a criminal justice class…and there was a groan that was voiced by one of the guys…but, joe cut it off…instantly…saying…

dang, d….you’re getting all inspirational on me now…it’s a good movie…makes me want to volunteer and donate all my money to the community…

he was saying it in a very awesome way, kind of giving me a hard time…but, mostly lending his positive support to the movie choice…legitimately so…and the other guys got on board with it too…they got on board with it because joe said it, because joe is a leader…to the positive…

not in some cheap-ass, rose-colored, leave it to beaver way…but, with gravitas (a word i’ve never used to describe a teenage boy before;)…and because he can communicate in that way, he can speak with some authority to his peers…in a way that immediately wins them over…

iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another…

it is something that i’ve appreciated all year–and especially, during this year…one that’s been really tough, one where i’ve been ‘on the ropes’ more than not…

but, joe’s been there (many times)…in my corner, and i can pretty much guarantee that i wouldn’t have made it this far without him…

in a couple of months, when he graduates…i plan on shaking his hand and telling him…

thanks for ‘having my back’ this year, i appreciate it…keep on keepin’ on… with ‘what you’re doing’…you’re a good man…you give me hope…

big e

April 7, 2014 By in measure of a man, thank you notes Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

outside of my father, there are a handful of men that have been and continue to be (in some cases) mentors to me…i consider it an honor and a privilege to have known these men…because they are…

men who have made me a better man…

iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another…

one of “my guys” is affectionately known as “big e”…his real name is rev. eric olsen…and he runs luther heights bible camp in the sawtooth wilderness (in central idaho)…he’s been the camp pastor/director there for more than 20 years…i was fortunate enough to have worked closely with eric over the span of 6 summers…a short, but highly potent and influential time in my maturity…

the term “big e” is fitting because he is a big guy…nature made him that way…he’s the kind of guy who can crush boulders with his bare hands and pull fully grown pine trees out of the ground without breaking a sweat…

ever hear of paul bunyan? this guy trained paul bunyan, folks…

no, but seriously…

you won’t see him on the front cover of a magazine or hear about him on twitter…but he’s the kinda guy you should see and hear about there …because he’s a good man, a man who has dedicated his life to the service of others…and when you’re around him this is unmistakably clear…

you won’t know what he’s about by what he says, he speaks sparingly after all…

you’ll know it by what he does…

by his faith…he lives it out every day…

by the way he treats people…the kindness and love he shares with his family, the staff, the campers, the supporting congregations and individuals from those churches…

by the way he works…whether balancing the books, repairing a leaky roof, rebuilding a trail, building a new cabin, raising money for the camp, or digging out the composting toilet…(yes, he’s the camp pastor/director…but, he doesn’t leave the grunt work to someone else…he doesn’t shy away from the dirty jobs)…

working alongside big e is a lesson unto itself…if you can keep up, you can learn a lot…

so, thank you, eric…for everything…you made a difference in my life…you gave me trust, responsibility, and most of all–grace (and there was more than one time when i needed that;)…for a ‘gentle giant’…you were a powerful presence in my life and in the lives of many other people…and i know i’m better for knowing you…

cheers! peace. dett.