Category Archives: observations

what we’re up against

July 21, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

i love stories, storytellers and storytelling…

it’s no surprise then, that this blog came about…eventually…it was created, after all, to share stories…with my children, family, friends and the world at large…

the stories recounted here are about the up’s and downs of working with kids…what i refer to as herding cats…

and often times, the stories i share deal with the challenges of this kind of work…

in reading these (non-fiction) tales, you can begin to understand this kind of work from the perspective of someone who has done it for nearly 20 years…from someone who still enjoys it, despite the demands inherent in the job…

but, reading about these challenges is quite different from…seeing them, experiencing them, or navigating them–in the moment…for yourself…like a youth worker, teacher, counselor, or parent has to do every day…

in truth, the best thing for a person to do if they really wanted to see what we do–in real life–would be to follow us around for a while…shadow us in our work, if you will–however, that’s not always an option, that’s not always possible…

so, to help in the understanding…i would like to share a movie clip with you…from one of my all-time favorite flicks…good will hunting…

[the entire film is ‘quality’ and still holds up to this day–check it out]

and despite the fact that the movie itself is fictional, matt damon’s ‘troubled young man’ is the absolute closest portrayal, the most accurate rendering of what we’re up against…when we encounter a young person who has come up through some hard knocks in life–a young person who wants to challenge us, be defiant, put up a fight, push our buttons, test us, or make mischief…just because they can…

take a look at this scene where will meets his counselor (played by robin williams) for the first time…

q: is this scene a bit dramatic?!

a: sure

q: i mean, can we strangle or ‘choke out’ the kids in our charge…who push our buttons?!

a: no–well, maybe at some of the schools in ‘the south’ 🙂

q: have there been times when we-professionals-have imagined strangling someone–in those moments when we’re pushed to the edge?!

a: absolutely! (if you’ve been a loyal reader/follower of the blog…then, you already know the answer, my friends!)

in my experience (especially, from what i’ve seen in schools and juvenile prisons)…this is exactly the type of behavior and attitude you can expect to be up against…with a difficult young person…it is very true to life…

so much so, that what you didn’t see…in the next scene (and i’m really glad they included it, because it also rings true)…was will’s counselor…who, while he was at home (with a stiff drink in hand), stayed up until all hours of the night…thinking about will…because of what went down in those few moments in his office…

and that’s a really important thing to realize–the stuff you see, the stuff you have to deal with, the stuff that’s said to you…can be some of the most brutal stuff you’ll ever encounter in your life…it sticks with you…it sticks to you…it’s not something you just shake off or leave at the office…not at all…

not only that, but the whole idea (that’s casually passed around) of having thick skin…and ‘how you’ve got to have thick skin’ in this line of work–that’s bullshit, people (as my friend, kip, would say)…it’s a lie people tell themselves…and that’s not to say that youth workers, counselors, teachers, coaches, paras, and parents aren’t tough…they are…the good ones, the ones who stay in the fight–the ones who still work, strive, hope, pray and care for their kids…day in and day out…have some serious stones…

but, make no mistake…we also take with us…the scars from the battles we’ve won and (most often) lost…

from what we’ve been up against…

kt

July 10, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

i’ve had the opportunity to work with a lot of different kinds of people throughout my career herding cats…some good and some bad–but, my good friend, kt, was…hands down…one of the best youth workers i ever worked with…kt is short for katie (christensen)…

we connected at luther heights bible camp in the summer of 1995 and worked closely together for four summers there…at the time, she was the camp program director (the position directly under the camp pastor–who you all know now as big e)…some of my best memories from camp surround the times when big e, kt and i worked together during those days…especially so, in the springs/summers of 1997 and 1998 when kt and i had the chance to work closely with big e in 1) preparing/planning for the upcoming summer programs and 2) sharing responsibility for some key parts of staff training (during this time new/returning staff members would participate in a 2-week training…where they were schooled in the fine art of camp counseling…

reflecting back, i think that the time was so special was because we were all on the same page–we all had similar passions, work styles/ethics, faith perspectives…and importantly…we all had the same philosophy and approach about working with kids…what it meant for us…and ultimately, what it could mean for campers for the summer and beyond…

one year, before staff training began, we actually wrote down our philosophy about working with kids–it was something that we also passed on to the counseling staff during training and something we tried to live out during the summers…it’s even something that i think about in my work with kids today…

here’s what we put down on paper:

camp counselor philosophy and focus

1 – put the KIDS first

  • keep it safe (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) , keep it fun (kids will be bored sometimes and that’s o.k.–but, do what you can to keep a positive attitude–for you and for the kids you work with), and don’t forget God (there’s something more going on here than just what you’re doing)

[safe, fun, and God were dubbed the big three]

2 – be a POSITIVE role model

  • lead by example–children/youth remember more of what you do and less of what you say
  • play the ‘put up game’ vs. the put down game (westering, 1990)–affirm, appreciate, compliment and encourage their legitimate achievements and victories…do not give empty praise…

i know that kt still uses this philosophy and focus in her work with youth and families as a congregational minister today–more importantly, it is something that emanates from her…if you’re around her, you can’t help but feel it–her enthusiasm, her commitment, her faith, her love for youth and families…it is unstoppable and contagious…because it’s the real thing…let me put it this way, she has been doing this kind of work in churches for nearly 20 years–and she’s still fired-up about it–that’s not something you see every day!

so, if you’re a parent or teenager or child…and you’re looking for a high quality church youth and family program…and you happen to live up near Alexandria, MN…you should check out the church she just started working at (calvary lutheran) as the director of congregational ministry for youth and families…introduce yourself and have your kids meet her…you’ll see what i’m talking about…furthermore, if you’re a wannabe youth worker…it would do you well to intern with her there, to walk alongside her for a while…she will school you…and you’ll be better for it…

because when it comes to church youth workers…she’s the best of the best…

cheers, my friend!

call of the wild

July 6, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“direct experience in nature is the most important aspect of the camp experience.”-richard louv (author who coined the term nature-deficit disorder)

one of the greatest rewards of working at summer camps is the amount of time you spend outside…while this is especially true for the summer camp staff, it is also true for the young people in our society, too–the ones we call campers…who spend just a week there…

whether the focus is sports, music, art, horses, academics, service, or faith…summer outdoor camps can be so very important for our young people…young people who are most often plugged-in to some kind of device, like one of the characters from the matrix, for the majority of their days and nights [the matrix – a computer-generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into a battery]…so plugged-in that they sometimes forget or lose touch with what is real…so plugged-in that their world has been reduced to an alternate-reality-bubble of snap-chats, instant messages, texts, emails, posts, tweets, sound-bytes, and video-games…being plugged-in to nature raises the bar on any kind of synthetic or contrived distraction, attraction, or entertaining feature of the digital world…it is a healthy, stimulating, unpredictable, and important alternative to the tech-stuff our youth are so closely attached to today…

“the postmodern notion that reality is only a construct–that we are what we program–suggests limitless human possibilities; but as the young spend less and less of their lives in natural surroundings, their senses narrow, physiologically and psychologically, and this reduces the richness of human experience…reducing that deficit–healing the broken bond between our young and nature–is in our self-interest, not only because aesthetics or justice demands it, but also because our mental, physical, and spiritual health depends upon it” (louv, 2008)…

proposition: when you hear the call of the wild…listen to it and herd dem cats—outside–you might like it, too;)

recommended reading: last child in the woods: saving our children from nature-deficit disorder, richard louv, 2008.

this father’s day…verse 1

June 16, 2014 By in measure of a man, observations, thank you notes Tags: , , Leave a comment

i was thinking that…

fathers and sons don’t say i love you all that often…

i can count on one hand the number of times i’ve told my dad i love him…i’m 42 years-old, people…that should give you an idea about the scope of this kind of thing…

but, just because we don’t say it all that often…or as often as women and mothers do…it doesn’t mean that we don’t have that kind of love for each other…

when i was growing up, my dad was the provider and protector for our family–in the traditional sense–with my mom at home with us most of the time, taking the lead in the child rearing…my dad was there for us (my sister and i)…but just in a different way…

among men…love is most certainly revealed in the act of doing something together…and so it was with me and my dad…whether we were kicking a soccer ball, going to a movie, watching a sporting event, completing a household project, taking a road trip, or having a catch…or even, just sitting side by side—saying nothing…

it was in those little every day interactions and activities together that i knew my dad loved me…

so, thank you, dad…for being there, for doing stuff with me (and chris)…

and though it’s understood, though it’s known…let me tell you, let me say it ‘out loud’ (nearly)…

i love you, i always have…

 

 

digital demeanor…

February 22, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

with the regular and on-going controversies of adolescents involved in inappropriate on-line communications continuing to surface (the most recent one involving a “tweet” from a student attending a high school in minnesota)…

the issue of digital demeanor…is worth mentioning…

so to are the harms that can result from “behaving badly in electronic spaces”…spaces that “seem private” or “distant from the real world”…but are, in fact–real in their consequences…

since we don’t know enough about “the recent minnesota high school case” to judge it appropriately, let me give you  an example about what i mean by digital demeanor...from an experience in my classroom…to illustrate how things can go horribly wrong…

[note: while digital demeanor can include words and images transmitted by way of desk-top and lap-top computers, phones and other digital devicies…this blog post primarily focuses on “cell-phone issues and demeanor” because the use of cell-phones is prevalent among my students]

classroom case files: nearly eight years ago, in my first year of teaching…one male student sent another male student a text message that included images of brokeback mountain…with harassing statements that included the sender calling the other student “gay” and a “f**” and other inappropriate comments that the sender thought “were funny”…the incident came to light (in-class) because of a verbal altercation that happened as a result of that message…the sender, of course, received consequences for his actions–from me and the school administration…in this case, the consequences were only “school-based”…but, had it gone differently…it could’ve easily reached the level where criminal charges were filed by the victim…

stuff like this is serious and far from funny…and unfortunately…stuff like this still happens regularly…

specifically, these virtual spaces allow people to post words or images that may harm or harass another person…or come back on the person who posted the word or image, if they did so impulsively, without thinking, or without “the proper training”…it should come as no surprise then, that a lot of these cases involve teenagers who text, tweet, or post something in a public/on-line venue of some kind–in other words, they involve cases of people whose brains are not fully developed…

these posts and images, as you know, are sent out into the world by way of mobile digital devices (most often, by way of cell-phones)…devices that have been provided to adolescents by adults (parents) in their lives…because, ultimately, it is socially acceptable to do so…

so, let’s review…

we give teenagers…people whose brains are still developing (specifically, the impulse control and decision-making parts) a tool of unbelievable and unprecedented power when we give them a hand-held digital device…a tool that allows them the unsupervised and unrestricted ability (often times)–to transmit/receive unformed, uninformed, irrational, immature, reckless and impulsive messages between them and the world at large…

so, should we be surprised when a teen makes a mistake here?!  it is like handing them the keys to a 2014 ford mustang sports car…a la ‘fast and furious’…(without driver’s education, a permit, and a license) and saying, ‘have fun!’…

let me be clear…i am not making excuses for teens here…absolutely not–digital demeanor is, clearly, a major social problem–especially for adolescents…

at the same time, it is not just a concern for adolescents but for adults as well…i mean, i’ve had to exercise self-discipline in my own use of this kind of power…at times, i’ve made mistakes…and hit “send” on an email or a text that was reactive or aggressive–the kind of messages i wish i could have back, you know…

so, i guess, what i’m asking is…where is the line?  are we setting the boundaries that we need to set for our young people?  are we holding them accountable when they violate those boundaries? are we teaching them to make good choices?  are we teaching them to be responsible with this kind of power?  importantly, while a significant amount of parents need to “tighten-up” their house rules and monitoring of their teen’s digital use…this is not a rant against parents or a “blame the parents” blog post…believe me, i can feel for parents who have done the right thing, who have set limits and boundaries for their kids–and to their horror, their kids “still messed it up”–teens make their own choices, after all…and have to accept responsiblity for those choices…but, what can we do?  how can we do the “digital thing” better?  how can we improve our digital demeanor?

finding answers to these questions may be difficult, but a good starting point is with nationally known, parent/child educator, dr. david walsh…

dr. walsh travels around the country and talks about ‘the teenage brain’, boundaries, and digital responsibility (the lessons he shares are extremely valuable and can be taken from both his books and his “face-to-face” presentations)…from his research, he has identified three pillars of digital health (walsh, 2014):

  1. Digital participation: Young people who participate meaningfully in their digital lives learn that technology isn’t just for entertainment; it is also a tool for learning, networking and engagement.
  2. Digital citizenship: We like to think of digital citizenship as the habit of mind that guides the way we treat one another online.
  3. Digital discipline: Digital discipline is the set of skills, behaviors and practices that enable us to power down and unplug when we need to.

of these, digital demeanor falls most certainly in the category of digital citizenship…or, what i would call the ‘moral category’…the right way and wrong way to behave and treat one another online…the guidelines and boundaries that parents, teachers, and other meaningful adults can set for young people in our society…

a good general rule that applies to this situation is one that we all learned in kindergarten–if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all…

because just like kids who inappropriately over-share and blurt (verbally) in homes, schools and other settings all over the world…they also, inappropriately over-share and blurt online–and i believe we can curtail that type of behavior–i believe we can herd dem cats on the digital frontier, as well…

personally, given the fact that these digital devices are such “life and learning disruptors” for adolescents…especially, phones (i see it regularly as a high school teacher)…i cringe at the thought of my children having and using cell-phones some day…so, here are some things that i promise to do as a father (if phones and phone usage are still a major social issue at the time my children start asking for one)…to establish ‘phone guidelines’ in our house (this is what my top 10 would look like)…

  1. i will make it known in our family that it is privilege to have your own cell-phone (not a right…and point out, that a cell-phone is a luxury item)
  2. i will make it known in our family that we will make decisions about phones together (who gets one, when they get it and what kind they get)
  3. i will delay getting our children cell-phones for as long as possible (i will be stubborn about it, regardless about what “their friends are doing”)
  4. for their first phone…i will get them one in “the ugly, un-cool, flip-phone” category with limited features–an 80’s cell-phone would be ideal (no internet access, no camera, etc…just the ‘bare bones’)
  5. once they demonstrate the ability to use the phone in #4 responsibly (for at least two years)…they may earn a phone with more power/features
  6. with each level of “increased power and features” i will give them “increased guidelines” (about how to use those tools responsibly)
  7. i will let them know that they will pay for their own phone and phone plans…whether by chores or own employment
  8. i will establish house rules for “shut-off” times…where they can’t be on their phones and/or have their phones in their rooms after certain times at night (see dr. walsh’s digital discipline)
  9. i will limit my own usage of technology around my wife and family (especially at the dinner table)
  10. i will pray that this plan works and that they use their phones like they’ve been taught:)

bonus: i will add any additional rules headquarters (my wife) tells me to;)

i’ll let you know (in 12+ years) if this works for us…

recommended readings: dr. dave’s cyberhood: making media choices that create a healthy electronic environment for your kids, dr. david walsh (2001); why do they act that way?: a survival guide to the adolescent brain for you and your teen , dr. david walsh (2004); no-why kids (of all ages) need to hear it and ways parents can say it, dr. david walsh (2007); girls on the edge: the four factors driving the new crisis for girls–sexual identity, the cyberbubble, obsessions, environmental toxins, dr. leonard sax (2010)

the big chill

January 27, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

the only people who love snow days more than students are teachers…

you feel like a kid yourself, when the call comes–school closed…giddy as can be, having the chance to be (legitimately) gone from work…but, this is getting ridiculous…by this i mean the state of things in minnesota, where we are now on our fourth “school closed day” of the year–due to the temperature being too cold…

during a normal winter in minnesota it can get so cold on some days that you feel as if you’ve been sucker punched in the gut (repeatedly) by old man winter…this winter, is a whole ‘nother level…

what makes this winter different? (you might ask)

well, if you can recall the ice planet of hoth from the empire strikes back, life during the reign of the white witch in narnia, or life north of the wall, a la game of thrones (the others included)…then, you’re getting close…

it is scary cold…

and no amount of turkish delight can remedy the situation…

so, i think i’ll saddle up a tauntaun and load up the family–in search of warmer climes…

another one bites the dust

January 1, 2014 By in observations Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

it is that time of year…where we turn the page, reflect on the past and look towards the future…think about what’s gone on…what we’ve seen and experienced…by our own choice, by another’s, or by accident…

and depending on what you’ve come through…you may regard this time of year in a completely different way than someone else–what you’ve seen is unique to you, after all…like how you might regard your own image in a good mirror (not the fun house one)…because of what a good mirror can show you, what it can reflect back to you…looking into a good mirror might be pleasant or it might be painful–or both…because above all else, a good mirror tells the truth…a good mirror may be the object you pass by in a blur, or the thing you pause at for ‘a quick glance’, then move on–because staying there too long is just too uncomfortable …or, it may be that…you remain there, in front of it, and take in all that you see…

sometimes with what’s gone on…you think, i can’t believe that just happened…i wish i could have that back…whether a hard time, mis-spoken word, careless action, or an embarrassing moment…you know, the things you’d rather not see or be reminded of…

sometimes, especially when you experience something that falls into the last category–embarrassing moments–the only thing you can do is look back and laugh…

which brings me to this next story…i hope it brings you some new year’s cheer…

one of the most embarrassing moments of my life (and definitely in my work with kids) happened at the idaho youth ranch–herding cats never seemed so appropriate, yee-haw!  the idaho youth ranch is a minimum-secure juvenile facility for troubled and at-risk juveniles, located in central idaho…pretty much in the middle of nowhere (which is a deterrent for kids “to run” from the facility–though some still do:)…

the facility is made up of different cottages (kids are grouped in cottages according to age levels)…when i worked there, we would guide and manage the kids throughout their daily routines–wake-up, breakfast, morning chores, school hours, after school chores and activities, etc…

occasionally, on the weekends, we’d have a special off-site activity…

one saturday, my coworker and i were tasked with just that–an off-site activity–taking a group of ‘our boys’ on an extended bike ride across the dusty, lowland farming country that surrounded the ranch (there are some phenomenal highlands in idaho…like the sawtooth wilderness and the white clouds (lessor known than the rockies or appalachians, but no less spectacular)–but those outdoor treasures come into other stories)…the ranch had a set of mountain bikes that the kids could use, most of the counselors rode their own bikes…

well, i didn’t have a bike…so, in advance of our activity, another staff member said he’d loan me his mountain bike…i was grateful (at the time)…

when he gave me his bike, he also gave me his “bike shoes” (we wore the same size shoe)…by “bike shoes”, i mean the ones you wear as a part of a ‘clipless system’…let me take a moment to clarify clipless…clipless shoes are the ones that have cleat on the sole and clip-in (solidly) to the mechanism on specialized bike pedals (as opposed to the ‘clipped ones’–the ones that are known as the toe-clip or cage style–i know, it makes no sense)…

so, i had a bike and bike shoes…come saturday, i was ready to ride!!!

i remember, getting up and getting ready–i “geared up”, hopped on the bike, and headed out to the road where we were meeting up…it was a warm, sunny day in early may…there wasn’t a cloud in the sky (idaho skies can blow your mind, believe me)…and…i was feeling good, like i could bike for miles, tackle any challenge…

i found the group and stayed on my bike…the kids were antsy and itching to go (on the road just inside the ranch’s southern entrance)…so, i just circled…they greeted me and i bid the kids and my coworker a “good morning”…a few words were exchanged and then we headed out, my coworker took the lead, then came the kids, then came me…the road was typical of the backcountry roads in idaho–dusty, brown, and covered with small loose gravel–the kind of road that the ford f-150 was made for…

so, we biked on for a couple of miles, the bike was riding well and i was feeling like i was one with the bike…probably because my feet were locked in place…it felt good…and we were moving along at a good pace…no other cars or people to be seen…we had the open road to ourselves…

and, after about 30 minutes of riding, one of the kids said that they needed to stop…so, i biked up to the front, chatted with my partner, and we agreed that we’d stop at a good spot down the road…after that, i circled back…and we continued on for a couple of minutes…then, the group began slowing down…a few kids braked and dismounted their bikes, pulled out their water bottles and sat down in the dirt…i told my partner that i’d bike up to the next rise and get the lay of the land and come back, he nodded and i took off…

in a couple of minutes i was on my way back and approaching the group…i was ready for a break, too…as i was pulling up, ready to un-clip and swing my leg over the seat, and glide to a stop…it happened…i tried to lift my right foot off the pedal, to un-snap/un-clip my foot…but, it wasn’t working, it wouldn’t budge…so, i tried the left foot…same result–no dice…by now, panic set in and i looked to the crowd…to the juveniles and my partner who all stared at me with rapt attention…in anticipation of the dismount…

it never happened, because i had slowed to the point of a stop…teetered upright for what seemed like forever, then went down…hard…in the dirt and gravel…i looked up at the group, no one said anything…and then i looked to my feet…they were now “un-clipped”, of course…i looked back at the group and laughed, they did too…as if waiting for permission to do so…

it was sooooo embarrassing…especially, since i consider myself to be a decent athlete… ugh!

not long after that, we were all on the road again and they rest of the day went well…to their credit the kids never brought it up again (to me at least)…my coworker was merciless, however…and whenever we talked about it after that–he made sure i never lived it down…

sometimes when we look back at what’s gone on…we want to cringe, cry, or forget it all together…but to deny such experiences would be to deny ourselves, our very humanity …the things we’ve seen and experienced ultimately remind us that–yes, sometimes we stumble, sometimes we fall…but, that’s what makes us who we are…

happy new year!

where i’ve been…

November 16, 2013 By in observations Tags: , Leave a comment

i grew up in a miltary family, my sister and i are air force brats…

this experience influenced me in a lot of ways, including in my work with youth…

when you grow up like this, you are often on the go–from place to place every few years–and your normal is “change”…you meet people, become friends, have experiences together, then move on…(from 6th – 12th grade i was at five different schools–and before then, at other schools in other towns)…during this time, the one constant in your life is your immediate family (for me, this included dad, mom, and sister)…they are your rock, your home…because for you and other military brats…home is not and has not been a physical place or location…

living life in this way lent itself to some amazing experiences–seeing different parts of the country, seeing different parts of the world (we lived in japan for three years)–and in these places, we had the opportunity to meet all kinds of different and interesting people; we had ‘our minds blown’ (in really good ways) as youngsters–it was an adventure onto itself…on the flip side, there are challenging experiences too–like instability, repeatedly having to “start-over”, self-doubt, and being the outsider to the “new place”…

such an experience is summed up well by sociologist georg simmel (in his work on individuality and social forms)…“In the case of the stranger, the union of closeness and remoteness involved in every human relationship is patterned in a way that may be succinctly formulated as follows: the distance within this relation indicates that one who is close by is remote, but his ‘strangeness’ indicates that one who is remote is near” (Levine, 1971).

while the lifestyle of the military brat provides a heightened sense and feeling of being the stranger, of peripheral-living (so to speak)–i don’t think this is unique to the military brat…but a common, everyday experience for anyone who has been (or is) a teenager…living (day in and day out) with the questions…am i accepted? do they like me? do i belong?

it’s in this space where my past meets their present…that i am able to engage and relate to kids that i might not be able to, had i not had that kind of experience growing up…it is a sweet spot for me…

q: how does your past impact your present day life? how do your experiences inform what you do???

love bites…

November 8, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats, observations Tags: , , , 6 Comments

while i have picked up some ‘tricks of the trade’ when it comes to working with other people’s kids…it is a whole different ballgame when it comes to my own…

basically, when it comes to herding (my own) cats, i have no idea what i’m doing…

sure, in the past, i’ve been kicked, punched, elbowed, grabbed, pushed, bitten, scratched, spit at, and swore at by young people in my charge…but, i hadn’t experienced any of these shenanigans by the little ones i had helped bring into the world, by my own offspring …until they started biting…it was something i wasn’t ready for and it rattled my cage a bit…

my son was the primary offender…and this kind of thing happened a lot before he could really talk or make words or knew how to show affection…at this time, if he was excited he would run at you (full speed), tackle you, and bite you–hard…often times, i felt like one of those poor victims attacked by the angst-ridden, brooding, pale-faced vampire kids in the twilight series…anyways, in one of his most exuberant fun-loving moments, my son bit his cousin–his cousin didn’t feel the love…so, we separated my son from his cousin and i gave my son a stern word…but, was that enough?

my daughter, of course, was not to be upstaged by my son’s antics…so, one day, she took her own pound of flesh…it was a day that started out as a normal one in our household …we had just finished a breakfast that included thawed/toasted/ buttered/syrupy waffles, diced fruit, milk, and random three-day-old cheerios that the kids scraped off the kitchen floor…

satiated, my daughter and i were playing on the living room floor, having a good ole time wrestling around and laughing…at one point during the melee, i rolled over to hide from her saying, “where did daddy go?”–and then it happened–she bit me, right between the shoulder blades–it hurt…so, i squawked, i screamed, i yelled– “stop it, let go!”…in my insulated, child-proof cranium it went more like “stop it, let fuckin’ go!” (it was a minor miracle that i didn’t shout it out loud) anyways, while she was clamped down on the skin of my back, i was twisting and turning–trying to reach behind me and grab ahold of her…but, she was elusive and determined and i couldn’t quite reach her…as i flailed about on the ground, images of jurassic park filled my head–you know the part, where the guy is mauled by the flesh-eating baby dinosaurs…

i was thinking–i’m not going make it out of here alive…

somehow, i endured and survived and got loose of her…i told her, “don’t do that” and she cried –i thought what just happened? why do they keep biting? what can we do to make them stop?  what else could i do besides separating them and giving them a stern word? 

then, i thought back to the day when we first picked up our twins at that curiosity shop in chinatown…now, what did that guy tell me?!

no, but seriously, i realized that there are some things in life that there isn’t a playbook for, or instructions not included moments…i also realized, hey, these guys are one–what do they know? they like you, they bite you…that’s how they show their affection, their love–they’ve got love bites…it’s a phase…we’re movin’ on…