Category Archives: herding (my own) cats

hot pursuit

April 24, 2014 By in faith stories, herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

i grew up in a lutheran family…we were church regulars (every sunday)…it was important for us, growing up…we would pray before dinner and at night before bed; we would talk about religion and faith (in addition to politics) at the dinner table…and my sister and i actively participated in “youth group” (monthly meetings for kids at church where we would do a variety of activities–some faith related and some not)…

but for me, when i was thirteen, the main reason why i got up and ready for church every sunday wasn’t for the love of Jesus–and it wasn’t to deepen my faith…

it was because i thought the pastor’s daughter was ‘hot’…

she was two years older than me and i had the biggest crush on her…so, every sunday…i really, really wanted to go to church–crazy, right?!  i wanted to, though, because…i hoped to catch a glimpse of her…a glimpse of beth is all i wanted…and sometimes i did see her there…when i did, my heart would start to beat a little faster and i would see (and hear) blue birds flying around and chirping (the cartoon version)…everywhere…zippity do da day…

and, i tried to get close to her and talk to her–i wasn’t subtle…

i was thirteen…

my motivations, my intentions had to be blatantly clear to everyone… including beth…in fact, anyone who saw my face on those sunday mornings knew what i was feeling, knew that i was love struck…

to give you an idea of my mindset…let me take you to a prayer we used to recite at church (nearly) every sunday…the Apostle’s Creed…the opening line went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; 

my version went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and beth;

🙂

well, time went by…and beth and i became friends…nothing more, nothing less…it was an infatuation that came and went…though it took up a lot of my ‘mind time’ and focus at that point in my life…especially, on sundays…

years later, i realized that while i had been going to church…i really hadn’t ‘been there’ (fully)–at all…i had spent a lot of that time focused on the wrong things…not that relationships and romance aren’t great…they are…i am a hopeless romantic, after all…but, my heart and mind were always preoccupied…caught up in the ‘shiny object of a teenage crush’…

at the same time, i realized that as intensely as i was seeking out and pursuing beth…God was intensely seeking out and pursuing me…i was just too foolish to realize it then…still, God (through the Holy Spirit) was laying the foundation, working on me, whispering to me…and it stuck…a lot longer than what i had hoped for with beth…

but, it is a greater love, after all…

when i think back to that time, i think of an onion…and realize that, back then…when i was  at church or contemplating my faith…i was just living on the surface…enamored with the ‘surface things’ of life; the superficial and material world around me…over time, i began to see the layers, see what i was missing out on…

and, go deeper…

and, eventually, turn to and embrace the God that had been pursuing me for years…

that doesn’t mean that my gaze hasn’t faltered or my faith hasn’t wavered since that realization…it has happened, periodically, througout my life course…when it has, i find myself on surface again…apart from what’s really important…distracted by other shiny objects that come along (whether it is something from within, like my anxiety and fears…or something outside of myself, like my career, household projects, sports, media and entertainment, or other material pleasures and possessions)…

thankfully, God’s gaze does not falter, God’s faith does not waver…

God does not give up the chase, He continues the pursuit…the desire to know and love me…and the world…

i know this because it’s in these moments when He calls me ‘to go deeper’, to come back home (sometimes with a whisper, sometimes with a shout) and return to His loving embrace…

and, somehow, some way…i make my way back…

[and now, as parents, becks and i are passing on our faith to our kids…slow and steady like…because we know what that relationship means to us; how important it is in our lives…how it has and continues to transform and change the way we see and love people…and we want that for jack and grace…so maybe, just maybe…as they get older…they’ll see what’s below the surface, see the layers, see what they might be missing out on…and, go deeper…into the loving arms of God…who is relentlessly pursuing them (and has been doing so, since the day they were born)…]

glory days…

March 14, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

i’m about two years into my forties…

and, when i stop and think about this time of my life…

i wonder–what can i tell my kids about crossing this threshold? what advice can i give them? how can i warn them? (heh, heh)

i guess i would tell them…

40 (41, 42, etc…) is different…it hits you in different ways…physically and mentally…forty feels different…

as an example…the other day, i played a rough and rowdy game of floor hockey with my colleagues after work–it is a good stress reliever for all of us…better to take it out on each other than the kids we work with–the next day, i had to peel myself out of bed…all stiff and sore and creaking bones…there was a particularly sore spot…my knee-cap…where the auto instructor had hacked me pretty good…but, it was all in good fun…

anyways…there are some points in life when you feel your age…

at least with floor hockey, i feel as if i can still keep up and “get in the game” (despite the aches and pains)…this was not the case, when (a few years ago) i tried to re-enter the futbol world and play on a soccer team with some friends…i mean, when i signed-up for the league i was excited and enthusiastic about the season…then, i got on the field and tried to play…it was like i was stuck in the mud…i couldn’t believe how slow i was…moving to and from the ball, trying to dribble and make a move–it was laughable…it was like my legs were telling me, are you kidding–you want us to do what?! …you’ve heard of muscle memory…this was muscle amenesia…it was like i had never played…my legs had gone off the grid, pulled a ‘jason bourne’, you know…

when i signed up to play, i had in my mind…the image, the memory of the player i was, back then…back when i was younger…i thought i was still that guy…but, the hard reality hit me on the field (as i struggled through the games)…that it had all changed… and that the player i knew then, in my glory days, was gone…

it was a hard thing to face, to come to grips with…i’m still trying to face that truth, that reality…today…

but, there’s something else…

from a philosophical perspective, it hits you pretty hard as well–it knocks you down…you reflect, look back and ponder the days gone by…the good times, the bad times, the in-between times…all those moments and memories that you’ve come through…

and you think about what lies ahead…

your impending doom…

but seriously, when you hit ‘forty’…you think about your mortality, you think about the fact that some day you won’t be around anymore…you think about the time when you’ll meet your maker…

forty (and beyond) is different…

so, to my son and daughter–all i can say is…

live your life, enjoy it when you can, where you can…best you can…

teacher mojo

February 13, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

having kids changes you…more than you can possibly comprehend at any point prior to the instant that they show up in your life…

one of the changes that i’ve experienced in regards to this–has happened on the job…working with and teaching high school students…more specifically, in how i work with and teach students…

i now refer to “the change” in this way (originally coined by my wife)…

having kids messes with my teacher mojo…

look, before my kids came along i thought i would be hell at work, less patient, and have a shorter fuse with the students in my classes…but, surprisingly, what’s happened has been the complete and total opposite…honestly, “the change”…caught me off guard, knocked me down, and rocked my world in ways that i never knew were possible…who would’ve thought?!

take the example from the hard lessons post…in the past, i would’ve been harder on those guys that we’re giving me trouble–i would’ve been less patient and understanding…and quick to drop the hammer…my patience might have lasted one or two months, max…not a full semester…

but that’s not me today…

i’m different…i’ve been changed…

when i talk to my students in class…all i can see are my own children in them, i see my students at one or two years old…so, it’s changed how i do things in my classroom…how i handle bad behaviors and challenging issues–because it’s harder to drop the hammer on a one-year-old…

now, some critics might say:

hey, d., you’ve lost your edge, man…

while i can see their point, i would disagree and say:

no, my edge is just different…it’s grown…it’s expanded…

i still ‘call kids out’ and hold them accountable, i just do it differently…my well is deeper, my heart is bigger…nowadays…i have a greater capacity to be compassionate and understanding–to be patient and merciful…

i have more grace to give…

hit me with your best shot

February 4, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

along with the “i don’t wanna’s” and the “no’s” (as mentioned in the last post), another way that our twin’s behavior has turned is in the “physical aggression department”…

importantly, this is not the type of behavior that is described in the post titled love bites…this is different…this is intentional and deliberate aggression…

let me tell you about the first time that we saw this type of behavior in one of our kids…

well, it happened a couple of months ago, when the twins were 22 months old…we had just spent an hour visiting with a small group of people (that included family and friends)…we had been hanging out in our living room, having some snacks, and playing…it had been a good time…eventually, a few family members left and we were continuing to visit…

i remember looking across the room, my son and daughter were playing on the couch…at first everything was fine–they were laughing and having fun…my son had a thomas the train engine in his right hand and he was rolling it over one of the cushions…then, it happened…as i watched, i saw my son pull back his right arm, swing it towards my daughter and smash the train engine right into her face–hard…my daughter wailed and wailed…

and, i thought…

cinders and ashes!!! (the thomas the train version of profanity)

at this point, we took the train away from my son, scolded him, and set him in “time out” for 2 minutes…while our son was in “time-out”, we consoled our daughter…and when that was done, we brought my son out and talked to him for a minute (about what not to do) and had him ‘mend fences’ with our daughter…

it was the first time we had to discipline one of our kids for that kind of thing…and now that i think about it, it was the first time we had to discipline one of our kids for anything…since then, we’ve had to discipline them (yes, both son and daughter) for a variety of other aggressive actions…

because even the most innocent human beings, like these two, can take things too far…

i don’t wanna

February 3, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , 2 Comments

our twins recently turned two…and their behavior turned, too…

honestly, we’ve seen a lot of new, amazing, positive things happen in the months preceding the terrible two’s (which hit us at about 18 months–a time that dr. david walsh has identified as a specific and significant point in child development)…we witnessed them start to become more self-aware, use tools (like a fork and spoon), walk and run, put their boots on, learn how to be funny, play independently (sometimes), become more socially interactive, tell us when they pooped, and to speak and use a variety of new words…

of all the new words that they’ve learned…the ones that hold the title spot for my least favorite are:

“i don’t wanna” and “no”

these words can show up when they (legitimately) don’t wanna do something or say “no” to something they “don’t want”…but, they also show up often and in-between legitimate moments…when they speak these words just because they can...like the following exchange, which happens about 100 times a day…

me: you’re telling me you don’t wanna cookie–come on?!

my son: no, i don’t!

me: you’re telling me you don’t want the best tasting, yummiest thing we’ve got in the house right now?!

my son: no, i don’t!

me: what the fuck?! (not ‘out loud’)

you can see why parents need on-going and quality therapy (and potentially, on-going and quality prescription drugs)…this kind of thing, dealing with these people (children)…can make you crazy!

i am starting to see that…they are saying these words because they’ve begun to develop an awareness of their unique self in the world…differentiated from my wife and i…and so, they are resisting and rebelling against what we are trying to get them to do…

these are the first moments our kids have intentionally and deliberately tried to ‘push limits’ and ‘test us’…to see where the boundaries are…to see if we’re up to the job…and while it’s not the-most-super-fun-time we’ve experienced, we’re doing our best to ‘stand strong’–be firm, be fair, and love them along the way…

you’ll never walk alone

December 24, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

as difficult as it was to navigate the early days with twins (nearly) two years ago (see previous two posts)…what made it possible to survive…what lifted us up when we were down…what made the difference was…

the people who showed up in our lives…the physical presence of friends and family saved us…

as a man, to ask for help…to accept help–is not something i relish…”we men” (in general) are brought up to do it ourselves–if a job needs doing then we’ll take care of it on our own, for ourselves and for our families (images of john wayne blazing through town, tall in the saddle, fill my head)…because submitting to others or being that vulnerable–to need someone else’s help, to rely on someone else–would reveal a weakness in our very character as men…

but i had to do just that…i had to submit, i had to surrender at that moment (and thereafter on occasion), when they showed up for us…because, truth be told, we wouldn’t have survived the storm of ‘being new parents’ without reinforcements…

these visitations…by our friends and family–they were the living, breathing incarnations of love, care, courage, strength, and hope…

long ago, there was a singular, miraculous, and glorious incarnation…when, a little fellow was born…his name was Jesus…and he came to a world who needed him…to those who were alone, hungry, crazy, helpless, pained, excluded, poor, and more…in their weakness, in their vulnerability…

he showed up…embraced mankind…and spoke…

it’s o.k., i am here, i am with you, now and forever…

silent night

December 22, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

it will happen…you will have a time (or times) in your life, when something keeps you up at night…

for my wife and i, one of those times was when the twins showed up–the early months were truly nuts!!!

i remember, in the haze of those early days, my head hitting the pillow then bouncing back up–instantly…this would happen regularly because one of the twins was crying, hungry, or needed consolation…since we kept them on the same feeding schedule, we would be up a lot of nights on that front (my wife would breast-feed one and i would bottle-feed the other at the same time)…one morning, the sleepless nights became all too evident when my wife asked me, do you remember what you did last night?! (the one question that can strike fear in the heart of any husband)…i replied, uh, no, i don’t…she gave me a small smile and said, yeah,  i woke up to the sound of you shouting and rustling around in bed…she paused for dramatic effect…and said, i looked over to see you commando-crawling through the bed-sheets shouting, ‘i’ve got to get out of here, i’ve got to get out of here!’ (we still laugh about that night)…

…often times, i would be sitting up all night with one of the babies…then, glance at the clock and realize–hey, i’ve got to get ready for work…so, i would set the baby down, get cleaned up, go in and teach a full day…then, come home and do it all over again…and again…and again…i remember going into the bathroom one day at work…and, as i was washing my hands, i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror–it was ugly, i looked like hell (i was sportin’ what could be best described as the post-apocalyptic, world war z zombie look)–jeepers!  unfortunately, i wasn’t the only one who realized the ‘state of things’ in our world…because as i was walking down the hall to the copy room, my colleague stopped me and asked, are you alright?! (his face showed genuine concern–with a sprinkling of the early stages of panic:)…i mumbled some indiscernible response and continued on…in a way that would make the undead proud…

i didn’t really know what tired was until that point in my life…

so, if you’re there, at that point in your life…in the midst of a storm…where something is keeping you up at night…i wish for you peace, rest, and a good night’s sleep…i wish for you a silent night…

prepare the way

December 17, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

it is the season of expectation and anticipation…

for my wife and i, it was nearly two years ago when we were preparing to welcome our twins into the world…

as we waited…we talked to people who had kids, we read books about having kids, my wife signed up for the moms of multiples club, we painted the nursery, we built cribs, and we absorbed the advice solicited and unsolicited from those who noticed the babies bump…

we even took classes…

classes that, at the time, seemed logical–want to learn something new??? take a class–my wife and i are educators after all (having that background might make you think we had an advantage–but, we didn’t)…there are a lot of things you can learn from school–however, what life will be like with twins is not one of them…such preparations seem laughable now…

one of the most bizarre classes we took was on breastfeeding–and yes, i went too…not that any amount of education would help me out on this front…so, the instructor gave us the basics and handed us our demo-babies–their eyes kinda creeped us out…you know the kind i’m talking about–they were the painted on ones that follow you around the room, we ‘were good’ once we had blindfolded both our fake-babies:) …then, the instructor proceeded to go on and on about the physical/emotional bonds of the woman and child (children in our case), how potent mother’s milk was and how very good it was for the health and well-being of the babies–somewhere along the way, she mentioned a football hold–where you snuggle in the babe just like it’s a pigskin–this gave me license to ‘not pay attention anymore’…

so, i checked out…my thoughts drifted to how the viking’s season might progress; to my favorite english premier league soccer team, liverpool, who were struggling at the time; to tests i hadn’t graded yet; to admonishing myself for failing to bring my trusty flask of jack daniel’s along to this circus; to a scene in a movie–you know the one i’m talking about–the one from the hand that rocks the cradle (where the nanny is breastfeeding kids that were not her own)…let’s just say, that scene takes on a whole new level of creepiness after a breastfeeding class!  interestingly, the instructor made breastfeeding seem like a snap…like it was one of the easiest things a new mom would be doing…in reality, it was the complete opposite in our experience–it was difficult, unnatural and something that made my wife snap!

another strange thing related to this was the off-hand comments other moms would make to my wife, like ‘i breast-fed for 6 months, it was no problem’ or ‘i was breastfeeding for nearly a year, it was such a special time’–the one-uppers came out of the woodwork around this time…i handled it maturely, like any adult would…and slashed the tires of their mini-vans…you may be able to breast-feed like the wind, sister, but let’s see how you do when you’ve got to walk your ass home?!

no, but seriously…there were all kinds of preparations made in the waiting time…things we thought would prepare us–but nothing did…the reality of it all was truly different–it was like a bomb went off in the center of our lives–and when the smoke cleared, it was harder than we could have imagined (ugh!), but more incredible and more amazing than we could have believed…

love bites…

November 8, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats, observations Tags: , , , 6 Comments

while i have picked up some ‘tricks of the trade’ when it comes to working with other people’s kids…it is a whole different ballgame when it comes to my own…

basically, when it comes to herding (my own) cats, i have no idea what i’m doing…

sure, in the past, i’ve been kicked, punched, elbowed, grabbed, pushed, bitten, scratched, spit at, and swore at by young people in my charge…but, i hadn’t experienced any of these shenanigans by the little ones i had helped bring into the world, by my own offspring …until they started biting…it was something i wasn’t ready for and it rattled my cage a bit…

my son was the primary offender…and this kind of thing happened a lot before he could really talk or make words or knew how to show affection…at this time, if he was excited he would run at you (full speed), tackle you, and bite you–hard…often times, i felt like one of those poor victims attacked by the angst-ridden, brooding, pale-faced vampire kids in the twilight series…anyways, in one of his most exuberant fun-loving moments, my son bit his cousin–his cousin didn’t feel the love…so, we separated my son from his cousin and i gave my son a stern word…but, was that enough?

my daughter, of course, was not to be upstaged by my son’s antics…so, one day, she took her own pound of flesh…it was a day that started out as a normal one in our household …we had just finished a breakfast that included thawed/toasted/ buttered/syrupy waffles, diced fruit, milk, and random three-day-old cheerios that the kids scraped off the kitchen floor…

satiated, my daughter and i were playing on the living room floor, having a good ole time wrestling around and laughing…at one point during the melee, i rolled over to hide from her saying, “where did daddy go?”–and then it happened–she bit me, right between the shoulder blades–it hurt…so, i squawked, i screamed, i yelled– “stop it, let go!”…in my insulated, child-proof cranium it went more like “stop it, let fuckin’ go!” (it was a minor miracle that i didn’t shout it out loud) anyways, while she was clamped down on the skin of my back, i was twisting and turning–trying to reach behind me and grab ahold of her…but, she was elusive and determined and i couldn’t quite reach her…as i flailed about on the ground, images of jurassic park filled my head–you know the part, where the guy is mauled by the flesh-eating baby dinosaurs…

i was thinking–i’m not going make it out of here alive…

somehow, i endured and survived and got loose of her…i told her, “don’t do that” and she cried –i thought what just happened? why do they keep biting? what can we do to make them stop?  what else could i do besides separating them and giving them a stern word? 

then, i thought back to the day when we first picked up our twins at that curiosity shop in chinatown…now, what did that guy tell me?!

no, but seriously, i realized that there are some things in life that there isn’t a playbook for, or instructions not included moments…i also realized, hey, these guys are one–what do they know? they like you, they bite you…that’s how they show their affection, their love–they’ve got love bites…it’s a phase…we’re movin’ on…