Tag Archives: Family

fury road (chicago)

June 20, 2015 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

part II – the windy city

we did laundry, re-organized the van, had the scheduled maintenance done on the van–and slept in our own beds for two nights…and less than 48 hours after our trek to utah and back…we (mom, dad, son, daughter) continued the epic road trip of our lives…this time, we headed east, towards chicago…to see my sister there (for more details on my sister–see the post titled, “my sister, chris”)…

we knew we could make it…heck we just drove several thousand miles together…we made it through that trip, successfully, in large part to ‘how the kids did’ (and with the mercy of the Lord, of course)…yes, it was intense, and yes, our son had an ear infection…but, they managed surprisingly well…way better than i thought…i think ‘they did well’ because “my wife planned well” and had (in addition to episodes of “paw patrol” and “jake”) a lot of ‘low-tech’ activities for them…reading books, coloring/activity sheets and books, white boards, cars and action figures, etc. – and we had two “blessed bags of saving grace” from my wife’s coworker and friend, kate…thank you, kate…your stuff + my wife’s stuff made it fun for the kids!

anyways, this is my first person account of the second phase of fury road:

1. 1130am – we leave the twin cities (we had planned to leave at 9am).

2. 630pm – we arrive in chicago (one of the all-time great american cities) – making extremely good time (the drive seems like a snap after the previous adventure).

3. my sister, chris, makes pizzas.  we eat, talk, and relax.

4. we “hit the hay” – and set up camp in her two room apartment.

bedtime.

bedtime.

5. meltdown #1 happens – jack “goes ape” during breakfast at the lucky platter (we see the first signs of life on the road).

6. we recover.

7. we drive down to millennium park and hangout, play and eat italian ice; it turns out to be a fun day, especially for the kids…and it is great to have some time to catch up with chris and hear how her life is going and for her to hear the same from us…we’ve never had the kids with us in chicago before…it is great to see!

millennium park.

millennium park.

(more) millennium park.

(more) millennium park.

8. nap time.

9. meltdown #2 happens – jack and grace “go ape” after nap time (we see the next signs of life on the road).

10. the travels are catching up with the kids.  they are on the ropes.  minutes from a knockout. it looks bleak.

11. my wife uses her magic powers to “rally the kids”.

12. we recover.

13. we go to dave’s italian kitchen for my sister’s birthday dinner – great food; we come home, open presents and “face-time” with my parents–who are on face time for the first time, which makes the entire call all the more entertaining.

14-18. the day is good.  we have brunch, take naps, and ride the “l-train”.  jack and grace can hardly contain themselves (it’s as if thomas himself shows up).  the train pulls to a stop in front of them and we jump aboard…we ride the train for a “whole 15 minutes” (and it is worth it…just to see the looks on their faces).

L-train

L-train

19. 830am, the next morning, my wife and i exchange a “knowing look”–translation: yeah, we’re ready to be home.

20. 835am, i give jack his antibiotics and have a flashback to the utah trip (and feel a flash of anger)…medical school is not worth it...then, i try to coach myself back…thinking…let it go, let it go…

21. 836am, i can’t let it go.

22. 837am, i think to myself, i should’ve asked for some “meds”, too.

23. 838am, an ed sheeran song starts playing in my head–loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes…

24. 839am, repeat #22

25. 840am, i “dial it back in” and make 100 trips up and down 50 flights of stairs. to pack the van, i haul an amount of luggage/gear that would normally accompany a professional baseball team.

26. 9am, after a brief stop at dunkin’ donuts, we head home.

27. noon, we stop near madison, have lunch at panera with my wife’s friends.

28. on the drive back, i daydream about a novel new show for TV–amazing race–family style.

29. the idea causes me to have a minor panic attack on the road.

30. i recover.

31. i keep the idea to myself until now.

32. 530pm, home sweet home.

33. happy birthday, chris!

34. jack and grace are presented with their “road warrior” badges – way to go, kids–you’ve earned ’em!

i can’t believe that we just did all that…honestly…we made it…and, at the end of the day…upon reflection…it was insane, but it was also good–we also know that we are fortunate to have the time to do that together, as a family…to be able to be there (in person) and celebrate the people we love–first, with jamie and steve in utah…and then, with chris in chicago…it’s a gift…

fury road

June 18, 2015 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

part I – the wild west

about a month ago, my wife and i were invited to the military ceremony of our brother-in-law (steve) who was being honored with a special promotion at hill air force base in utah…my wife was excited about the invite and wanted to be there for the ceremony…

so, i thought that she should fly out there and represent our family for the event…she thought that we all should go…but, not by plane (because that was too expensive)–instead, she thought the four of us (me, my wife and our 3 year-old twins) should drive out there…wouldn’t it be great if we could all be there for the ceremony, she said wistfully…

but, i was hesitant for 4 major reasons:

1. driving out there with our kids, with the age they’re at, sounded like suicide.

2. we had a timeline–we needed to be there by june 5th at 1444–and we wouldn’t be able to leave until after work on june 3rd (because we’re teachers and that was the last day of school with the kids in our classes).

3. it’s the end of the school year…and as any teacher can attest to, it’s not a time of the year when you’ve got extra energy in reserves.

4. we had already agreed to go to chicago to see my sister at about the same time as we’d be getting back from this trip…

[fyi…we live in minneapolis, people…which means we’re talking about an 18+ hour drive to get there in time]…

but, my wife really thought we should do it…

and, i gave in…tempted by the open road, propelled by my wife’s passion…

the following is a first person account of what went down, best as i can recall:

1. we leave the twin cities at 5pm on june 3rd.

life in the van

life in the van

2. we arrive at rapid city, south dakota at 230am.

3. we leave rapid city at 11am, and drive and drive and drive.

4. detour in wyoming.

5. we realize that there are only 5 roads in wyoming (and one of them is closed today).

6. the detour means we must drive north, then west, then south.

7. we drive and drive and drive (we see a lot of wyoming–almost all of it–beautiful state).

8. we arrive in layton, utah at 130am.

9. 8am, our son, jack, wakes up crying and with a fever (complaining of a sore throat).

10. 830am, jack and i go to urgent care (in utah it’s called ‘instacare’).

11. 850am, strep test done.

12. 9am, strep test = negative.

13. 915am, ears are checked–after 15 minutes of cleaning, 1 years worth of ear wax is removed from his ears–no wonder why he didn’t respond when i yelled at him ‘not to run into traffic’ 🙂

14. 920am, observation – “slightly red”.

15. 930am, diagnosis = virus.

16. 930am (continued) confirmation that…medical school could, in fact, be a waste of time and money.

17. doctor: “running another strep test” – “will let us know tomorrow”.

18. repeat #14.

19. because of the “not sure if it’s strep or not” diagnosis — the wife attends the ceremony solo.

20. let me say that again, the wife attends the ceremony solo.

21. i let out an insane laugh–from somewhere deep, deep inside.

22. the kids and i set up camp in the hotel room…i drink one (or more) jack and cokes throughout the day and keep “a close eye” on my children who happily watch the disney channel.

23-27. we have a great “next couple of days” (the nights were a little rougher)–hanging out with family and celebrating–we see ‘antelope island’, plenty of bison, have a bison burger, swim, eat, drink coffee, discuss the similarities between obi-wan and Jesus, see ‘devils slide’, wrestle john (my father-in-law), have some laughs and make some great memories–and we get the doctor to o.k. antibiotics after my son is unable to sleep for two nights–his ears were in bad shape, but his legs worked fine…he kicked me, repeatedly, in the back for two nights…now, that’s worth the trip right there...

bison!

bison!

great shot at antelope island!

great shot at antelope island!

the families at devils slide.

the families at devil’s slide.

28-32. we drive back. we take an extra day. first to casper…then, the round-about way to rapid city…the detour is still on…and since we’re pushed north we opt to take it a little further and see “longmire country” — stopping in buffalo, the city that the “longmire” books and show are based on–and we see more of wyoming–but not all 🙂 ….it is a great day on the road…not only are the antibiotics kicking in (oh, and i haven’t mentioned gracie, our daughter, in this regard because she has been a rockstar traveler–taking it all in stride)…but, buffalo is an amazing little town that sits snug on the edge of the big horn mountains…and the vista tempts the traveler to turn west along scenic highway 16 towards the tetons and yellowstone…hard as it is, we resist the pull west…and turn towards south dakota…that same day we reach mount rushmore (which is a sight of it’s own)…and jack says, of mount rushmore, ‘i liked the guy with the beard best’…and then to rapid city for the night.

the busy bee cafe as featured in 'longmire'.

the busy bee cafe as featured in ‘longmire’.

the presidents!

the presidents!

33. the next day, we cross south dakota, with a sneak peek at the badlands.

34. then, home sweet home.

35. “cheers, steve (and jamie)–way to go!”

[stay tuned for “fury road” part II – the windy city]

love is thicker than water

February 19, 2015 By in observations Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

but nothing lasts forever
your best efforts don’t always pay
sometimes you get sick and you don’t get better
that’s when life is short even in its longest days

-john mellencamp

my cousin died when she was 46…

her name was lisa and it happened last fall…

and i remember walking into the funeral home with my mom, dad, and sister…we came first to an anteroom, and upon entering, my eyes found her three children…one in college, one in high school and one in junior high…and then, i saw her husband coming ’round the corner…and that’s when i lost it…and then her husband lost it, too…and then we all embraced in a messy, tearful, tangled hug…

my aunt and uncle were there, too…bonnie and jay…and though they were visibly broken, somehow, some way they were keeping it together…my cousin john was there, too (lisa’s brother–it was always just the two of them)–wrecked, but holding strong as well…i guess they had all cried enough tears in the previous few weeks…lisa had been in the hospital for a little while before she died…and despite the fact that she had maintained an amazingly optimistic and hopeful attitude, right up until the end, the cancer was merciless and relentless…it would not be held at bay, it would not yield…

sometimes you get sick and you don’t get better…

so, over three days time, we went from the viewing, to the funeral service, to the burial and then to the reception …returning to my aunt and uncle’s place on occasion to regroup…it was weird, it was surreal…being around people who you normally long to see and visit with…our relatives, our family…yet, not having her there…it didn’t make sense…

along with that, i didn’t have a lot of experience being at funerals or knowing people who had died…in my world, it added up to a handful of people….most of them were older…grandparents, even great grandparents…people from “the greatest generation”…people who had lived long, full lives…and while we definitely felt the loss of their passing, their dying made more sense…and their funerals more closely resembled what people commonly call “happy funerals”…where the person “is celebrated” and the funeral is “a celebration”…

this wasn’t a “happy funeral”…this wasn’t “a celebration”…

this was sadness, grief, and pain…

i think everyone felt that it happened too soon…

probably because everyone that was there knew lisa…and if you knew her…you knew what living life really meant, you knew what true innocence and goodness and faith really meant…you knew it because when you saw her, when you talked to her…you would see it, you would hear it…and when you see that kind of life, that kind of life force…in a human being…you think to yourself...nothing on earth can stop that, nothing can extinguish that fire, that spirit…  

and when a light like that goes out, it goes dark for everyone who looked upon it…

that’s the way i felt (and feel), anyways…

and there was something else…there is something more to the story…

something remarkable, despite the utter pain of her passing…something unique about her story…from beginning to end, from birth ’til death…

the remarkable thing is the love that her family holds for one another…the four of the them–lisa, john, bonnie, and jay…now, don’t get me wrong they’re not perfect or without trial or tribulation…they’re like any other family–any other real family, that is, that goes through the up’s and down’s of life…and believe me, they’ve come through their own fires…and yet still remained–a family…a family that they created…in love…especially between lisa and her parents…and, most especially, between lisa and her mom, bonnie…a mother and daughter…but more than that, best friends…i guess it’s significant for me because lisa (and her brother, john) were adopted–early in their marriage my aunt and uncle came to realize that they couldn’t have children…but, they still wanted kids…so, they adopted lisa and john…

as a man, i have no idea what a woman experiences or feels when she’s told she can’t have kids…when she’s told she can’t give birth to her own children…i mean, i know women who have had that experience outside of this story and often think that…

that’s really, really terrible

because

man, she would be an amazing mom (and he would be an awesome dad)

then instantaneously, the same thought always pops into my head…

i wonder if they’ll adopt?

my thinking probably plays out like this because at my base, at my core…i know lisa, john, bonnie, and jay…i know their story…i know what they mean to me…

i know that their family was (and is) closer than some biological families are…

i know that bonnie and jay have always seen lisa and john as their own…their son, their daughter…

i know that we (my sister and i) always saw them as our cousins not our ‘adopted ones’…

i know that, growing up, they were (without a doubt) our closest cousins…

i know that they have been and always will be my family…

not by blood, but by love…

my sister, chris

December 18, 2014 By in observations, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

one of the best teachers i know is my sister, chris (always ‘chrissy’ to me)…

she’s a 7th grade social studies teacher near chicago…

it is an appropriate assignment for her as we grew up moving from ‘here-to-there’ every few years as dictated by the u.s. government (my dad was in the air force)…as youngsters, we lived in oregon, utah, texas, arizona, south carolina, japan, colorado, and washington state…

moving around like vagabonds…we, of course, became close…because everywhere we went, it was “just us”…my mom, my dad, my sister and i…for most of my life she was my absolute, #1 best friend (it helped that we were only a year apart)…we had a lot of laughs and adventures together–back then and later in life as well…and while i know this will come as a big surprise to all of you–she was always the brains of the operation, the intellectual one, even from a very young age…maybe it was because she was always reading, reading, reading…man, she always had a book in hand (and still does!)…now, that doesn’t mean that she always got it right…i mean, there was the time when she ripped the side-view mirror off of the car when backing out of the garage, and the time when she burned an iron-shaped hole in her bedroom carpet while ironing a shirt, and the time when she tried to dry her hat off by setting it next to the campfire ring…guess what–it caught on fire!

[the “burning hat camping trip” was an over-nighter at luther heights bible camp–a place (and people) i’ve referenced before in this blog–anyways, the first year that i worked there, one of the counselors quit within the first two weeks of the summer camping season…so, i called up chris at our home in olympia, wa to see if she wanted to come out and fill the open slot…at the time, she was doing something exciting for the summer, like picking raspberries 🙂 …immediately, she agreed to come out to idaho as a counselor…and she liked it so much that we had the chance to work together there for 3 summers…those were good times]…

but, she’s always had a sharp mind, like a surgeon’s scalpel…an insatiable need to know things, an unstoppable curiosity…which, i think, was/is a catalyst for her continued travels and adventures in the world…as an adult, she’s ventured to israel, africa, south america, other locales in the far east…and minnesota (coming here, especially in the winter, is definitely badge-worthy)…israel was/is a favorite of hers, as a college student she lived on a kibbutz there for a while and then returned some 10 more times–over the years, she was able to master hebrew…who does that?!

all of this adds up one very unique individual…with a very distinct perspective on the world…and, for me…what i’ve come to know, what i’ve come to realize is that…she is one of the most unique individuals i know…i always come away from a conversation with her having learned something new…or, thinking about something in a way that i wouldn’t have thought of–had i not had the chance to visit with her…every single time…

she’s also the kind of person who could’ve done anything she wanted to…doctor, lawyer, corporate executive…you name it…but, she landed in education…in the trade of teaching…in the trade of teaching junior high school students no less…and she’s been at it for 14 years now…and most of the parents don’t know just how lucky they are to have her teach their children…but, i do…

i mean, who wouldn’t want that kind of person teaching their kids–helping them use their noggins?!

last year…for her energy, efforts, and creativity as an educator, she received the “highest marks” and “highest rating” a teacher can get in an evaluation at her school, a status that few achieve…

you wouldn’t hear this from chris, of course…because she’s also one of the least flashy and most humble people i know…which is even more of a reason to tell you what she’s about, to tell you what she’s done in the world…to put it down in words, for the record…right here, right now…

here’s to you, chris! i love you, sister!

cheers!

 

 

 

hot pursuit

April 24, 2014 By in faith stories, herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

i grew up in a lutheran family…we were church regulars (every sunday)…it was important for us, growing up…we would pray before dinner and at night before bed; we would talk about religion and faith (in addition to politics) at the dinner table…and my sister and i actively participated in “youth group” (monthly meetings for kids at church where we would do a variety of activities–some faith related and some not)…

but for me, when i was thirteen, the main reason why i got up and ready for church every sunday wasn’t for the love of Jesus–and it wasn’t to deepen my faith…

it was because i thought the pastor’s daughter was ‘hot’…

she was two years older than me and i had the biggest crush on her…so, every sunday…i really, really wanted to go to church–crazy, right?!  i wanted to, though, because…i hoped to catch a glimpse of her…a glimpse of beth is all i wanted…and sometimes i did see her there…when i did, my heart would start to beat a little faster and i would see (and hear) blue birds flying around and chirping (the cartoon version)…everywhere…zippity do da day…

and, i tried to get close to her and talk to her–i wasn’t subtle…

i was thirteen…

my motivations, my intentions had to be blatantly clear to everyone… including beth…in fact, anyone who saw my face on those sunday mornings knew what i was feeling, knew that i was love struck…

to give you an idea of my mindset…let me take you to a prayer we used to recite at church (nearly) every sunday…the Apostle’s Creed…the opening line went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth; 

my version went like this…

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and beth;

🙂

well, time went by…and beth and i became friends…nothing more, nothing less…it was an infatuation that came and went…though it took up a lot of my ‘mind time’ and focus at that point in my life…especially, on sundays…

years later, i realized that while i had been going to church…i really hadn’t ‘been there’ (fully)–at all…i had spent a lot of that time focused on the wrong things…not that relationships and romance aren’t great…they are…i am a hopeless romantic, after all…but, my heart and mind were always preoccupied…caught up in the ‘shiny object of a teenage crush’…

at the same time, i realized that as intensely as i was seeking out and pursuing beth…God was intensely seeking out and pursuing me…i was just too foolish to realize it then…still, God (through the Holy Spirit) was laying the foundation, working on me, whispering to me…and it stuck…a lot longer than what i had hoped for with beth…

but, it is a greater love, after all…

when i think back to that time, i think of an onion…and realize that, back then…when i was  at church or contemplating my faith…i was just living on the surface…enamored with the ‘surface things’ of life; the superficial and material world around me…over time, i began to see the layers, see what i was missing out on…

and, go deeper…

and, eventually, turn to and embrace the God that had been pursuing me for years…

that doesn’t mean that my gaze hasn’t faltered or my faith hasn’t wavered since that realization…it has happened, periodically, througout my life course…when it has, i find myself on surface again…apart from what’s really important…distracted by other shiny objects that come along (whether it is something from within, like my anxiety and fears…or something outside of myself, like my career, household projects, sports, media and entertainment, or other material pleasures and possessions)…

thankfully, God’s gaze does not falter, God’s faith does not waver…

God does not give up the chase, He continues the pursuit…the desire to know and love me…and the world…

i know this because it’s in these moments when He calls me ‘to go deeper’, to come back home (sometimes with a whisper, sometimes with a shout) and return to His loving embrace…

and, somehow, some way…i make my way back…

[and now, as parents, becks and i are passing on our faith to our kids…slow and steady like…because we know what that relationship means to us; how important it is in our lives…how it has and continues to transform and change the way we see and love people…and we want that for jack and grace…so maybe, just maybe…as they get older…they’ll see what’s below the surface, see the layers, see what they might be missing out on…and, go deeper…into the loving arms of God…who is relentlessly pursuing them (and has been doing so, since the day they were born)…]

teacher mojo

February 13, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

having kids changes you…more than you can possibly comprehend at any point prior to the instant that they show up in your life…

one of the changes that i’ve experienced in regards to this–has happened on the job…working with and teaching high school students…more specifically, in how i work with and teach students…

i now refer to “the change” in this way (originally coined by my wife)…

having kids messes with my teacher mojo…

look, before my kids came along i thought i would be hell at work, less patient, and have a shorter fuse with the students in my classes…but, surprisingly, what’s happened has been the complete and total opposite…honestly, “the change”…caught me off guard, knocked me down, and rocked my world in ways that i never knew were possible…who would’ve thought?!

take the example from the hard lessons post…in the past, i would’ve been harder on those guys that we’re giving me trouble–i would’ve been less patient and understanding…and quick to drop the hammer…my patience might have lasted one or two months, max…not a full semester…

but that’s not me today…

i’m different…i’ve been changed…

when i talk to my students in class…all i can see are my own children in them, i see my students at one or two years old…so, it’s changed how i do things in my classroom…how i handle bad behaviors and challenging issues–because it’s harder to drop the hammer on a one-year-old…

now, some critics might say:

hey, d., you’ve lost your edge, man…

while i can see their point, i would disagree and say:

no, my edge is just different…it’s grown…it’s expanded…

i still ‘call kids out’ and hold them accountable, i just do it differently…my well is deeper, my heart is bigger…nowadays…i have a greater capacity to be compassionate and understanding–to be patient and merciful…

i have more grace to give…

hit me with your best shot

February 4, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

along with the “i don’t wanna’s” and the “no’s” (as mentioned in the last post), another way that our twin’s behavior has turned is in the “physical aggression department”…

importantly, this is not the type of behavior that is described in the post titled love bites…this is different…this is intentional and deliberate aggression…

let me tell you about the first time that we saw this type of behavior in one of our kids…

well, it happened a couple of months ago, when the twins were 22 months old…we had just spent an hour visiting with a small group of people (that included family and friends)…we had been hanging out in our living room, having some snacks, and playing…it had been a good time…eventually, a few family members left and we were continuing to visit…

i remember looking across the room, my son and daughter were playing on the couch…at first everything was fine–they were laughing and having fun…my son had a thomas the train engine in his right hand and he was rolling it over one of the cushions…then, it happened…as i watched, i saw my son pull back his right arm, swing it towards my daughter and smash the train engine right into her face–hard…my daughter wailed and wailed…

and, i thought…

cinders and ashes!!! (the thomas the train version of profanity)

at this point, we took the train away from my son, scolded him, and set him in “time out” for 2 minutes…while our son was in “time-out”, we consoled our daughter…and when that was done, we brought my son out and talked to him for a minute (about what not to do) and had him ‘mend fences’ with our daughter…

it was the first time we had to discipline one of our kids for that kind of thing…and now that i think about it, it was the first time we had to discipline one of our kids for anything…since then, we’ve had to discipline them (yes, both son and daughter) for a variety of other aggressive actions…

because even the most innocent human beings, like these two, can take things too far…

i don’t wanna

February 3, 2014 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , 2 Comments

our twins recently turned two…and their behavior turned, too…

honestly, we’ve seen a lot of new, amazing, positive things happen in the months preceding the terrible two’s (which hit us at about 18 months–a time that dr. david walsh has identified as a specific and significant point in child development)…we witnessed them start to become more self-aware, use tools (like a fork and spoon), walk and run, put their boots on, learn how to be funny, play independently (sometimes), become more socially interactive, tell us when they pooped, and to speak and use a variety of new words…

of all the new words that they’ve learned…the ones that hold the title spot for my least favorite are:

“i don’t wanna” and “no”

these words can show up when they (legitimately) don’t wanna do something or say “no” to something they “don’t want”…but, they also show up often and in-between legitimate moments…when they speak these words just because they can...like the following exchange, which happens about 100 times a day…

me: you’re telling me you don’t wanna cookie–come on?!

my son: no, i don’t!

me: you’re telling me you don’t want the best tasting, yummiest thing we’ve got in the house right now?!

my son: no, i don’t!

me: what the fuck?! (not ‘out loud’)

you can see why parents need on-going and quality therapy (and potentially, on-going and quality prescription drugs)…this kind of thing, dealing with these people (children)…can make you crazy!

i am starting to see that…they are saying these words because they’ve begun to develop an awareness of their unique self in the world…differentiated from my wife and i…and so, they are resisting and rebelling against what we are trying to get them to do…

these are the first moments our kids have intentionally and deliberately tried to ‘push limits’ and ‘test us’…to see where the boundaries are…to see if we’re up to the job…and while it’s not the-most-super-fun-time we’ve experienced, we’re doing our best to ‘stand strong’–be firm, be fair, and love them along the way…

you’ll never walk alone

December 24, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

as difficult as it was to navigate the early days with twins (nearly) two years ago (see previous two posts)…what made it possible to survive…what lifted us up when we were down…what made the difference was…

the people who showed up in our lives…the physical presence of friends and family saved us…

as a man, to ask for help…to accept help–is not something i relish…”we men” (in general) are brought up to do it ourselves–if a job needs doing then we’ll take care of it on our own, for ourselves and for our families (images of john wayne blazing through town, tall in the saddle, fill my head)…because submitting to others or being that vulnerable–to need someone else’s help, to rely on someone else–would reveal a weakness in our very character as men…

but i had to do just that…i had to submit, i had to surrender at that moment (and thereafter on occasion), when they showed up for us…because, truth be told, we wouldn’t have survived the storm of ‘being new parents’ without reinforcements…

these visitations…by our friends and family–they were the living, breathing incarnations of love, care, courage, strength, and hope…

long ago, there was a singular, miraculous, and glorious incarnation…when, a little fellow was born…his name was Jesus…and he came to a world who needed him…to those who were alone, hungry, crazy, helpless, pained, excluded, poor, and more…in their weakness, in their vulnerability…

he showed up…embraced mankind…and spoke…

it’s o.k., i am here, i am with you, now and forever…

prepare the way

December 17, 2013 By in herding (my own) cats Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

it is the season of expectation and anticipation…

for my wife and i, it was nearly two years ago when we were preparing to welcome our twins into the world…

as we waited…we talked to people who had kids, we read books about having kids, my wife signed up for the moms of multiples club, we painted the nursery, we built cribs, and we absorbed the advice solicited and unsolicited from those who noticed the babies bump…

we even took classes…

classes that, at the time, seemed logical–want to learn something new??? take a class–my wife and i are educators after all (having that background might make you think we had an advantage–but, we didn’t)…there are a lot of things you can learn from school–however, what life will be like with twins is not one of them…such preparations seem laughable now…

one of the most bizarre classes we took was on breastfeeding–and yes, i went too…not that any amount of education would help me out on this front…so, the instructor gave us the basics and handed us our demo-babies–their eyes kinda creeped us out…you know the kind i’m talking about–they were the painted on ones that follow you around the room, we ‘were good’ once we had blindfolded both our fake-babies:) …then, the instructor proceeded to go on and on about the physical/emotional bonds of the woman and child (children in our case), how potent mother’s milk was and how very good it was for the health and well-being of the babies–somewhere along the way, she mentioned a football hold–where you snuggle in the babe just like it’s a pigskin–this gave me license to ‘not pay attention anymore’…

so, i checked out…my thoughts drifted to how the viking’s season might progress; to my favorite english premier league soccer team, liverpool, who were struggling at the time; to tests i hadn’t graded yet; to admonishing myself for failing to bring my trusty flask of jack daniel’s along to this circus; to a scene in a movie–you know the one i’m talking about–the one from the hand that rocks the cradle (where the nanny is breastfeeding kids that were not her own)…let’s just say, that scene takes on a whole new level of creepiness after a breastfeeding class!  interestingly, the instructor made breastfeeding seem like a snap…like it was one of the easiest things a new mom would be doing…in reality, it was the complete opposite in our experience–it was difficult, unnatural and something that made my wife snap!

another strange thing related to this was the off-hand comments other moms would make to my wife, like ‘i breast-fed for 6 months, it was no problem’ or ‘i was breastfeeding for nearly a year, it was such a special time’–the one-uppers came out of the woodwork around this time…i handled it maturely, like any adult would…and slashed the tires of their mini-vans…you may be able to breast-feed like the wind, sister, but let’s see how you do when you’ve got to walk your ass home?!

no, but seriously…there were all kinds of preparations made in the waiting time…things we thought would prepare us–but nothing did…the reality of it all was truly different–it was like a bomb went off in the center of our lives–and when the smoke cleared, it was harder than we could have imagined (ugh!), but more incredible and more amazing than we could have believed…