Category Archives: observations

man in the mirror…

November 6, 2013 By in observations, teaching and coaching Tags: , Leave a comment

in-between the summers that i worked for skyhawk’s sports academy, (when i was in college) i coached a club u13 boys soccer team with a friend…who lived down the hall from me in the dorms…

during one particular game, when i was coaching solo, one of my players knocked into a kid on the opposing team and got the ball…the ref whistled for a foul and their team got a free kick…the game went on like this for a little while and a few of their players got knocked down…at half-time, i heard some murmuring through the cadre of parents on our side of the field…so, i looked up and saw the opposing team’s coach stomping towards me…

when he got up to me, he said, what kind of team are you running here…ever hear of sportsmanship?! and then he stormed back to the other side before i could utter a word…the parents on my side got pretty riled up over the altercation (i know this is surprising, given the reputation of parents in youth sports;)

anyways, the game went on and we were down by a goal, then we scored to tie…then, we scored to win the game in dramatic fashion…at the end of the game, the opposing team’s coach came back over and apologized for his behavior…

it would be easy for me to make this guy out to be the bad guy for how he acted–who does that?!…but, truth be told (and despite the “ten attitude” influence), i was cultivating some of that same aggression and intensity in my own coaching persona–as a u13 coach no less?! when i look back now, i realize how ridiculous some of my own behavior was…

in one particular case, a friend came to watch a soccer practice i was leading…at this practice, i was playing alongside the kids in a scrimmage drill–and at one point, i got a bit intense and knocked into one of my very own players to get the ball…later, my friend called me out on my behavior saying, “took it a bit too far that time, didn’t you?” and she was right, i did…

at that point, i had to ask myself…what am i teaching these kids???

early on in my career, i made a lot of mistakes like this one…where i was too intense in my approach…or other times where i was too hard in discipline, too lax in discipline, often inconsistent, not gentle enough with my redirection, not encouraging enough, you-name it…there were a lot of rough edges when i first started out…but, by listening to/working with others…by going alongside skilled coaches, juvenile justice workers, youth directors and teachers–by going alongside masters–people who really knew how to herd cats well…i watched and i learned (over time)…

present day: lookin’ out

November 1, 2013 By in observations, teaching and coaching Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

not long after the “spiderman entry”…

i sent a kid to the CLAS program (for an hour)–our version of ISS…for messin’ with another student…i had warned him, “keep your hands to yourself”…but, he wasn’t getting the message…and continued his troublesome ways–pickin’ on a  student, instigating and aggravating…so…

take a walk, son…

it’s important that…once you get a whiff of something like that…harassment/bullying…as a teacher, counselor, youth director, coach, juvenile justice worker, etc…you take action (right away)…in this case, my response says/reinforces don’t do that, not around me…

spiderman and other freaks…

October 31, 2013 By in observations Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

i remember when i was trying-out for the soccer team at william mitchell high school in colorado springs, colorado…it was back when i was a sophomore and a transfer student to the district…at this time in my life, i was so small (and skinny)…not the hulking, hunk of chiseled beef you see walking the streets of minneapolis nowadays;)

back then, i was so skinny that they used to call me spiderman…i mean, it was crazy how freakishly small i was–if i turned sideways, i would disappear (my super-power)!  note to world: self/body image issues are not unique to girls/women…and let me tell you–no guy, at any point in their k-12 school career, wants to be “that small”…

anyways, back to the fall tryouts…it so happened that i made the jv soccer team…and once that was established, the coach went about training and evaluating us further…to see who would be in the “starting line-up”…

i remember one day during our training, another sophomore (a guy who kinda looked like an older version of the evil kid from the omen-the original 1976 classic…which still holds up as one of creepiest halloween movies of all-time!) who had also made the jv squad…made a comment directed at me–he said, ‘this guy doesn’t realize he’s too small for the team’…walking right behind him came a senior/varsity player (a person who looked to be a fully grown man–as evident by the 5 o’clock shadow he was sportin’ at 3pm) who said, “he can play” (matter-of-factly) and continued on his way…funny thing was, that same senior was one of my club team coaches from the summer before (i seriously thought he was an adult when he was my coach:)

well, training went on for a few more days before our first game and i worked hard (encouraged by the words of the senior/varsity player/former coach)…and the other sophomore made a few more jabs…then, game day finally came…

on game day, the jv coach had us all huddled up as he went over the starting line-up & the game plan…and he called my name, i was starting at right center midfield!  one name he didn’t call was that of the guy who had been taunting me…anyways, i started that game and every remaining game that year–while my nemesis rode the pine…when i walked out onto the field, i looked back at him and smiled–my face, my posture, and every nonverbal part of my being…if translated…said one thing: what’s up now, bitch?!

the words “he can play” were big for me…heartened me, gave me strength…in that moment, my former coach was lookin’ out for me and i appreciated it then (and now)…and that lookin’ out is something i’ve tried to adopt in my own work with kids…especially, with kids on the margins…you know, the ones the rest of the world calls freaks…

happy halloween!!!

sincerely–your friendly neighborhood spiderman

the fountain of youth…

October 26, 2013 By in observations Tags: Leave a comment

on the flip-side of the recent “ten attitude” post…

(most) kids bring an amazingly fun spirit to the settings that they’re in…sure, kids can be mean, self-centered, ‘checked-out’, unmotivated, defiant, irresponsible, irrational, delinquent, etc…

but they can also be caring, thoughtful, invested, inspiring, motivated, fun, funny, positive, etc…they can (and do) bring their own version of the “ten attitude”–to people that they meet…one that affects and changes you…for the better…when you experience it…

while they can give you a few gray hairs…

most of the time, working with youth is the fountain of youth! (for a long time i thought it was the jack daniel’s that made me feel like that–young and invincible…little did i know;)

q: what do you see when you see kids???