beyond tradecraft

“you do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going…what you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”
― thomas merton

one of the toughest kids i ever worked with (he’s on my top 25 list of all-time toughies-coming in at #25) was a high school student i encountered at summer camp…the place was the outdoor lutheran camp called luther heights bible camp (mentioned in several previous posts) and the summer was 1995…

note: just because you’re working at a bible camp doesn’t mean all the kids you meet are angels 🙂

anyways, up until this point, my experiences working with kids included working one-on-one with an at-risk, elementary school student in an after school mentoring program (for two semesters in college) and coaching soccer at sports camps (for four summers)…i had not yet delved into the world of juvenile justice, church youth work, or teaching…

i was an apprentice…

at herding cats

and he was a master…

at defiance 

and he was in my cabin group for the week…meaning, i was his counselor for the week…so, i was responsible for leading him and about 12 other high school boys through each day at camp (at the same time, there were about seven or eight other on-site cabins filled with the same number of high school students and a counselor)…the days would include games, challenge activities, morning/evening worship (a super-scaled down version of what you might encounter at an elca lutheran church on a sunday morning–to this day, i still prefer it to the formal sunday church stuff;), hikes, an overnight, special interest activities, talent show, bible study, etc…

usually, high school week is one of the best weeks of the summer…i mean, you’ve got kids who you can reason with and have relatively serious conversations with…ones who get your jokes…and often, ones who are really engaging and give you hope for the future of the world at large;) …but, this week was a tough one for me…because of carl (his name has been changed for this story)…

and no one could predict or foresee what was to transpire…at the end of our week together (and beyond)…it was unimaginable…it was unbelievable…or, so i thought…

anyways…

right away, when he got to camp, he had a major attitude–especially with anyone in authority–which revealed itself in an edgy tone and (sometimes) harsh language…i got the feeling that he had come through some hard knocks…given this, carl took up most of my time and energy that week…it began on sunday afternoon (that’s when the kids arrived–the typical week went from sunday – friday)…and each day his demeanor seemed to get progressively worse…no matter what we were doing–he opposed it, was non-compliant…and worse, tried to get the other guys in the cabin to follow his lead and join his rebellion against me…interestingly, he was quite charismatic and had a bit of charm–(his face reminded me of a young leonardo dicaprio–i didn’t care for the young dicaprio much either;)…so, he had some influence among the other guys…which doubled-down on the challenges for the week…

funny thing–this was summer camp…about as far as you can get from the responsibilities of work or school or home…so much of what we did every day was really fun…and it was that fact that made the whole week together so much more exhausting…in retrospect, carl’s behavior was a lot like that of my 2 year-old son…who says ‘no’ to just about everything i tell him to do…even if it’s the most fun thing in the world…that’s exactly what carl said to me…’no, no, no, no, no’…for 16 waking hours a day for an entire week…

by mid-week, the rest of the staff knew what i was up against…there were a couple of instances when the program director (kt) met with him and he received consequences for his behaviors…but, he was undeterred…he kept coming…

and all i could think about was friday…when the week would be over…for me, it couldn’t come soon enough…

over the course of the week, my fellow counselors supported me the best they could and i tried to keep a positive attitude…and hang in there with him…but my resolve was fading…

he seemed unreachable…

then, thursday night arrived…

we came to the final evening worship of the week…the one that usually carries a little more weight, because it’s the last one of the week and the kids will leave the next morning…and go back home…

honestly, i don’t remember worship being anything special that night…that doesn’t necessarily mean that it was lacking in any major way–more likely, it was because i was lacking…i was fried-stick a fork in me, i’m done! 

so, worship came and went…and we were dismissed to our cabins…

as i was herding my group towards the trail that led to our cabin, i realized that carl was not with us…so, i looked back to the fire ring where we had been seated for worship…and i could see him in the firelight, sitting there, like a statue…my first thoughts were, what now?! are you serious?!  so, you’re gonna take it to the limit?!

quickly, i caught the attention of one of my fellow counselors (one who was on support staff and didn’t have a cabin that week–all of the counseling staff had to serve a rotation on support staff…where they would help with cleaning dishes, maintenance, meals, leading random games and activities, preparing campfires, etc) and asked him to take my guys back to our cabin…

i watched my guys head back up the trail for a moment, then i turned back to the fire ring…i took a deep breath and walked back to where carl was sitting…and sat down right next to him…

i asked him…

so, what’s going on?

there was a moment of silence…then, i heard him…

carl started crying…it was the full-on, shoulder-shaking kind…

so, i sat there…waiting…

after a while, he said…

i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry for the way i’ve been acting–for the way i treated you…all week…

[i couldn’t believe what i was hearing, i was floored]

after a moment, i said…

it’s alright, don’t worry about it…

we talked for a little while longer…and he gathered himself together…after a while, we headed back to the cabin…the next day, it was like he was a whole new kid…no attitude…we were good…except for the fact that i was in complete and total shock at what had happened…

later that morning…his ride came, we said ‘our goodbyes’ and he headed home…

i thought that was the end of the story…but, it wasn’t…

one year later…

i was walking through camp (i went back again, in the summer of 1996, for tour #2) when i heard someone call out my name…

hey, dett!

[since there was another dave working at camp they called me ‘dett’–short for my last name: dettmann]

in response, i turned around and was surprised to see a face i would never forget–it was carl…so, i spoke up in earnest…

hey, carl, how’s it going?!

we talked for several minutes, he was enthusiastic and positive…then, he said…

good to see you, dett…hey, i’ve got to go…got to get back to my campers…

i was confused by what he said, so i asked…

campers?! 

he responded with a smile and said…

yeah, i’m one of the counselors for my church group that’s up here this weekend…look, i gotta get back (some churches utilized the camp for their own programs at times during the summer-usually when we were running a smaller camp on-site–as was the case this weekend)…

immediately, he took off after his campers…and i stood there in the middle of the trail, dumbstruck…

to this day, i am still struck by what happened all those years ago…by the realization that while we can do great things in the world…sometimes, what happens is beyond anything we can do ourselves…or, beyond any special talent or skill we might have…sometimes, what happens is truly extraordinary…

so, in closing, i would like to share this poem with you…forwarded to me by my friend/pastor katie sanders…i think it comes the closest to capturing what this experience means to me…

a future not our own

[by ken untener]

it helps now and then to step back and take a long view.
the Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is beyond our vision.

we accomplish in our lifetime only a fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
nothing we do is complete, which is another way of
saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
no statement says all that could be said.
no prayer fully expresses our faith. no confession
brings perfection, no pastoral visit brings wholeness.
no program accomplishes the church’s mission.
no set of goals and objectives include everything.

this is what we are about. we plant the seeds that one
day will grow. we water the seeds already planted
knowing that they hold future promise.
we lay foundations that will need further development.
we provide yeast that produces effects
far beyond our capabilities.

we cannot do everything, and there is a sense of
liberation in realizing this.
this enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
it may be incomplete, but it is a beginning,
a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s
grace to enter and do the rest.
we may never see the end results, but that is the
difference between the master builder and the worker.

we are workers, not master builders, ministers, not
messiahs.

we are prophets of a future not our own.

kt

i’ve had the opportunity to work with a lot of different kinds of people throughout my career herding cats…some good and some bad–but, my good friend, kt, was…hands down…one of the best youth workers i ever worked with…kt is short for katie (christensen)…

we connected at luther heights bible camp in the summer of 1995 and worked closely together for four summers there…at the time, she was the camp program director (the position directly under the camp pastor–who you all know now as big e)…some of my best memories from camp surround the times when big e, kt and i worked together during those days…especially so, in the springs/summers of 1997 and 1998 when kt and i had the chance to work closely with big e in 1) preparing/planning for the upcoming summer programs and 2) sharing responsibility for some key parts of staff training (during this time new/returning staff members would participate in a 2-week training…where they were schooled in the fine art of camp counseling…

reflecting back, i think that the time was so special was because we were all on the same page–we all had similar passions, work styles/ethics, faith perspectives…and importantly…we all had the same philosophy and approach about working with kids…what it meant for us…and ultimately, what it could mean for campers for the summer and beyond…

one year, before staff training began, we actually wrote down our philosophy about working with kids–it was something that we also passed on to the counseling staff during training and something we tried to live out during the summers…it’s even something that i think about in my work with kids today…

here’s what we put down on paper:

camp counselor philosophy and focus

1 – put the KIDS first

  • keep it safe (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) , keep it fun (kids will be bored sometimes and that’s o.k.–but, do what you can to keep a positive attitude–for you and for the kids you work with), and don’t forget God (there’s something more going on here than just what you’re doing)

[safe, fun, and God were dubbed the big three]

2 – be a POSITIVE role model

  • lead by example–children/youth remember more of what you do and less of what you say
  • play the ‘put up game’ vs. the put down game (westering, 1990)–affirm, appreciate, compliment and encourage their legitimate achievements and victories…do not give empty praise…

i know that kt still uses this philosophy and focus in her work with youth and families as a congregational minister today–more importantly, it is something that emanates from her…if you’re around her, you can’t help but feel it–her enthusiasm, her commitment, her faith, her love for youth and families…it is unstoppable and contagious…because it’s the real thing…let me put it this way, she has been doing this kind of work in churches for nearly 20 years–and she’s still fired-up about it–that’s not something you see every day!

so, if you’re a parent or teenager or child…and you’re looking for a high quality church youth and family program…and you happen to live up near Alexandria, MN…you should check out the church she just started working at (calvary lutheran) as the director of congregational ministry for youth and families…introduce yourself and have your kids meet her…you’ll see what i’m talking about…furthermore, if you’re a wannabe youth worker…it would do you well to intern with her there, to walk alongside her for a while…she will school you…and you’ll be better for it…

because when it comes to church youth workers…she’s the best of the best

cheers, my friend!

tradecraft…the “ten attitude” part II

in the weeks before summer comes, i get that old feeling again…

wouldn’t it be great to work at camp again?!

it’s a thought that bursts into my head every single time, as i drive out to work, during the ‘pre-summer days’…because the road i take to work goes west and west is where camp is…in the sawtooth wilderness of idaho (one of the most beautiful outdoor areas in the united states)…and when i’m ‘aimed in that direction’ i think, i could just drive a little further, a few more miles–out to camp…then, i remember that i have a wife and twins…

🙂

the camp i’m talking about is luther heights bible camp…and i worked there for six summers (to the chagrin of my parents:)…i remember my thoughts going into my first summer there…i’ll just work here for one summer–yeah, right…

in my summers there, i worked as a counselor, travel staff director (for day camps), and finally as an assistant program director…and–in addition to working at skyhawk’s sports academy (summer soccer camps), my time at luther heights was instrumental for me…in developing my skills and abilities herding cats

this was especially true when we had kids attend our on-site programs…where we would be with them for 24 hours a day/six days a week…during these intense on-site weeks, it was impossible not to learn a lot about talking to, relating to, and engaging with kids (from the elementary level to high school kids)…

the days would include a morning/evening worship, games, crafts, bible study, nature activities, singing, skits, campfires, storytelling, hikes, challenge course activities, etc…

during these summers, i had the pleasure of working with such amazing and fun people…living and working in community together…kt, adam, chris & chris, e.j., beth, kari, kate h., hilary, nathan, matt, mary, debbie, nat, megan, holly, aaron, mark, jp, eric, jeff, jordan, brian, steve, heather, jon, maren, chelsea, laura, carol, and–of course–big e [see post titled, big e]

working at luther heights doubled-down on the importance of the ten attitude…i realized pretty quickly that my attitude could make or break the week, it was a counselor’s most important tool–especially, during those weeks when the kids didn’t go home at the end of the day…

because…

why should the kids care about what we’re doing, if we don’t?!